WALLS DOWN

Still-Living Proof

2010-05-05T08:28:00.003-05:00

Today I'd like to do something a little different. I'm sending you over to my dear friend LeAnn's blog. Her story is powerful and her testimony through it encouraging. She was shot twice in the Wichita Falls shooting two weeks ago and is still proclaiming the goodness of our God. If you've ever needed to know that God is very real in tragedy, please read her last 4 blogs, starting with her entry titled 4.20.10. And if you think about it, could you send up a prayer for my sweet sister? Thank you, and be encouraged by her testimony. God is showing Himself to you this morning through her. Listen closely.

Click here: LeAnn's Blog

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When Tragedy Strikes

2010-04-26T10:52:00.008-05:00

I'm sitting here completely emotionally raw. Sometimes I forget how broken this world is. I get wrapped up in T-ball, birthday parties, coffee with friends or dates with the hubby. I dress up and act like a child with my Young Life girls. I'm filled with the carefree, beautiful moments of life.

And I forget.

I forget there's an enemy after us all. I forget our bodies are frail and life really does end. I forget sometimes we are called to suffer.

Lately I have been surrounded by friends in turmoil. To respect their personal fights I won't go into detail, but I have been left reeling by all the tragedy. My whole being shouts at no one in particular, "WHAT IS GOING ON?" I'm flattened by how quickly life can rip the rug right out from underneath you. How rapidly one event can shake your very foundation and leave you feeling like you have nowhere to land.

In the time it takes to mutter the sentence, "She's been in an accident", life can turn from

Stable~Secure~Carefree
to
Teetering. Threatening. Crushing.

What is our response to be when hell breaks loose in our lives or when tragedy rolls in like a September hurricane? I know my natural reaction is to stand in a stupor wondering what the heck just happened. My mind fills up with why's and what if's. In short, I spiral. Down. If I don't watch out, way down.

Thankfully, today God jerked me out of that descent with Peter's words:

"Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith . . . " 1 Pet. 5:8-9a

He reminded me that in our darkest nights, whether they come from God, Satan or are just natural consequences of living in a broken world, Satan is waiting like a lion ready to pounce on a defenseless gazelle. To consume us while we're weakened by sadness or confusion. His goal is, at best, to get us distracted from God and, at worst, to get us to turn away from Him completely. But God's script reads much differently:

"And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." 1 Pet. 5:10

We must be self-controlled and alert. Aware of the enemy's tactics, resisting him and standing firm in our faith. The result? Victory.

Alert: Be expecting an attack. Satan ain't fair; watch for him. He's always looking to kick us while we're down.

Self-controlled: How do we control ourselves? By handing control over to God every minute of every day, especially when we're in a suffering season. "God, I can't do this. I'm weak and can't do what I'm supposed to do. You do it; control my every thought and action."

Resist the enemy: Stop running. Turn around, look him in the face, and spit scripture in it. If you do it long enough and often enough, he will flee (James 4:7). A technique I learned from Beth Moore that has helped me memorize some fightin' verses is what I like to call a Scripture Spiral. No worries - this is a good kind of spiral. I buy an index card spiral and on each card I jot down a verse that is a truth that combats a lie the enemy is trying to feed me. For example, when I was battling panic attacks one of my verses was 2 Tim. 1:7: "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, of love and of a sound mind." I had a spiral filled with similar verses and when I felt a lie trying to overtake me, I would pull that thing out and start praying out loud. For the Timothy verse my prayer might have sounded something like, "God, I know this fear is not from you because you have not given me a spirit of fear. You have given me a sound mind! You have given me power! Now help me walk in it!" Sometimes the battle was short; sometimes it lasted all day. But I kept fighting. We must do the same to chase off the devil.

Stand firm in the faith: Fight knowing that you are in a winning battle. You can fight with confidence because you know the truth - at the end of your suffering you will be restored, stronger, more firm and steadfast. Like a vibrant rainbow after a treacherous storm, the Christ-light you will shine will be glaring against your previous darkness. You will be more like Jesus and will glorify Him more powerfully.

I wish we didn't have to suffer. I look at my friends and my heart breaks for them. I wish I could hit rewind on their lives and save them from it all. But I can't.

I find solace knowing there is purpose in the suffering. I know He is going to bring good out of this. He's going to fulfill His promise noted in Romans 8:28 to work ALL things together for the good of these girls. He hasn't left them or abandoned them; in fact, He is closer than ever. I am praying that they feel His presence and love, surrender to His control, and fight valiantly alongside Him. I know I'm going to battle every day for them.

Father, oh, my heart is so heavy for my friends, but I trust you. I know you are Love. Comfort these girls in their pain and protect them from the enemy. Give them the strength to fight when the time comes and remind them of your love, your protection, and their coming restoration. Oh, surround them with your peace. And when it's our turn in the dark, please do the same for us. In Jesus' name, amen.

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Weed War

2010-04-06T21:22:00.016-05:00

Aah . . . a boy and his dog. Precious, huh?

As much as I could show off my son to you all day, what I really want you to see is those pretty purple irises behind him. I love those flowers. This pic was taken shortly after we moved into this house a year ago; these things just magically popped up out of the ground one day. I didn't have to dirty one finger in that soil to receive those beauties. Amazing.

Last week as I started to see this year's new iris leaves budding, I rushed over to imbibe the glory of the new growth. "Yey! Green!!!" There is little I love more than fresh, Spring green-ness (Not a word? Whatever, spell checker). I mean, look at those rich, reedy leaves. Absolutely stunning. However, as I looked a little closer, I noticed tiny vines of greenery snaking through my brand-new flora. As cute as they were, I realized they were weeds and by the looks of their abundance, were already threatening to take over the bed.

I wasn't havin' it.

Now, I've never weeded anything in my life, but I figured it couldn't be too difficult. Just grab it and pull it out, right? Right. I grabbed those little babies and plucked them right out, root and all. In a swift 20 minutes I had them all gone. Didn't even break a sweat. As I stepped back and took a gander, I was pleased. "Aaah. . .so pretty. Good job, Misti." Mental pat on the back.

"Wait. Uh, what is that?"

Take another look at the picture above. See those little, leafy, viney things right above Buddy's and Cooper's heads?

Weeds. Sneaky ones.

See, if they would have looked like that, towering over my new buds like a 5th grade bully, I would have noticed them on the first perusal of my garden and yanked them out immediately. But my husband, in his manish sort of way, had taken his 4-foot branch cutters and gone to town on that little plot of land a few weeks earlier. So what I had now were baby bullies-in-training just biding their time for total soil domination.

Still, in my botanical ignorance, I didn't really understand their dangerous plan until I grabbed ahold of one and gave it a jerk. I almost pulled my finger off.

"Uh, excuse me?" Now I was mad.

At a plant.

It was then that I set my heart on exterminating these little creepers at any cost. No weed would have its way on my property! No sir, no way!!! Who did they think they were anyway?

I spent the next 45 minutes pulling out 4 weeds. I have never known anything or anyone so stubborn in my life. Pause. That is a lie. I live with myself, after all. Anyhoo, after repeated twists and tugs -- and a chuckle from my mother-in-law who was in the next garden over pulling out the pleasantly simple weeds I mentioned earlier -- I fetched a spade and began to dig around the roots hoping to loosen the dirt enough to get the little pest to release its foothold. Its strength was ridiculous. Nevertheless, after I dug what seemed to be 6 inches down into the ground, I was able to extract the little villain. I did the same digging, yanking, and twisting until I had saved my babies from all their prospective oppressors. I wish I had a picture of the roots of these suckers. They were at least 4 inches long. Crazy.

As taxing as it was to expurgate those weeds, I'm glad I persevered because I learned so much about life that day -- about our continuing journey to freedom.

Much like me focusing on the first overtly visible weeds, sometimes we focus on our sinful behaviors but completely miss the insidiously deeper issues behind them. It's easy to make our gardens look pretty by ridding them of behaviors like drinking or cussing or extra-marital sex. We can fix our actions and find comfort in it. But there's more to us than surface behaviors; there are hidden villains hiding deep within us wreaking havoc with plans to destroy us. Are we willing to look deeper?

These hidden hurts and sins go deep and are tough to wrench out. It's going to take work -- long, hard work -- to find freedom from sins that we have used to manage our lives for decades or from hurts that have clung to us for a lifetime. There will be casualties. I lost my spade; you may lose a toxic relationship or favorite pastime or hobby. We will get discouraged. Somedays we'll feel like we've got this thing whipped for sure and then, BAM! It's up in our faces again. The question is, are we willing to dive back in? Are we game for whatever it takes to root out the life-long sin or hurt?

The earlier you catch 'em, the easier it is. Two of the roots I dug up had been there for a while. I could tell by their tree twig-like tap roots. Those took me a good fifteen minutes to pull. Their smaller, younger counterparts took considerably less effort. It's the same with us: the longer we ignore a sin or a hurt, the bigger and stronger it grows. If we can get it in its toddler phase, we'll have a much easier go at it.

Who knew you could learn so much from a stupid, little vine? As I left my bully-free flower bed that morning, sweaty armpits and all, I couldn't help but be proud of myself. I had faced down the enemies and come out victorious. My prayer is that the weeding of my soul would be as successful.

What are you doing to weed your garden?

Father, we want to be fertile soil in which You can grow Your likeness. Give us the boldness to work with You to yank out any weed that is in the way of that growth. We surrender to Your work in us. We love You, amen.

Run, Run as Fast as You Can . . .

2010-03-25T13:36:00.009-05:00

As much as I would like to write you all an encouraging blog directly from the mouth of God, I cannot hear Him.

I have been hurried and busy this morning. I have bounded out of bed, sprinted to school, skidded into the principal's office for a meeting and then rushed out again. I've paused to meet with my counselor and then been in a whirlwind of shopping, lunching, and meeting since. But like a good little Christian girl, I have come home and arrived here at my computer awaiting a word from God.

With a whole hour to spare.

Distracted.

And He is quiet.

Or maybe He isn't, but how would I know? I haven't given Him enough time to still me so I can hear Him. So often this is how I approach my daily life with Him. I carve out an hour in between activities and expect Him to speak on my schedule. I approach Him with a head full of screaming thoughts and ask Him to hurry and speak to me. Even now I'm glancing at that little clock in the corner of my computer wondering if I'll be able to finish this blog by the time I need to leave to pick up Cooper.

Prideful little twerp.

When will I learn I cannot hear a quiet voice amidst the cacophony of a packed schedule? When will I finally understand that everything on my agenda must bow to my time with Him, not the other way around? Wow. Stubborn.

So today I have no instruction on how to hear God. But what I can share is how not to.

How to Quench God's Voice
1. Don't schedule your time with Him.
2. Overbook yourself.
3. Check off everything on your schedule before you sit down with Him.
4. Give God a time limit

Today I am a lesson in what not to do. I pray that you will be wiser than I.

Father, forgive us when we get too busy for You or when we try to stuff your Universe-sized Self into our amoeba-sized schedules. Help us to put You at the very top of our daily plans and give You all the time You need with us. We love You; help our schedules reflect that. Amen.

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A Sick Devotional

2010-03-10T07:57:00.005-06:00

Hey guys! I'm feeling a little under the weather today and have been instructed by my husband to rest. "You don't have to write, Misti." Uh, does he know me at all? Doesn't he know that someone who loves to write must do so or she will explode?! But, I will submit; he usually knows what he's talking about anyway.

However, I didn't want to leave you without some encouragement this week, so here is a link to some pretty great devotions from a book by Dr. Larry Crabb titled 66 Love Letters. Drawing from a different book of the Bible in each devotion, he speaks truths gleaned from that book using the voice of God. Here's an example from Habakkuk:

Know this: those who live by faith will struggle in ways that those who live to make their lives work will never know. It is that struggle, to believe despite desperate pain and confusion that a good plan is unfolding, that will open your eyes to see Me more clearly. Is that what you want? Will you pay the price?

During Lent, he's sending out a portion of each devotion via email every day. If you're interested in receiving them either click here, or sign up on the above website under the drop-down menu on the left. You'll select "66 Love Letters" and then click "Lenten Reflection Sign-Up".

Alright. . .have a wonderful day. I'm going back to bed.

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The Voice Review

2010-03-08T12:20:00.010-06:00

I've recently been reading a new retelling of the New Testament called The Voice by Thomas Nelson Publishers. If any of you are looking for a fresh voice in which to read the Word, I would recommend this work, though with caution. That caution comes in reading it as a translation when I think it should be read more as a commentary.

I've been riveted to the page by the creative format, modern language, informative commentary and sheer entertainment of the work. The Voice is written in a screenplay format, which puts you right in the middle of the action. Instead of reading:

"Jesus straightened up and asked her, 'Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?' 'No one, sir,' she said. 'Then neither do I condemn you,' Jesus declared. 'Go now and leave your life of sin.'" You're able to jump into the scene:

Jesus: Dear woman, where is everyone? Are we alone? Did no one step forward to condemn you?
Woman Caught in Adultery: Lord, no one has condemned me.
Jesus: Well, I do not condemn you either; all I ask is that you go and from now on avoid the sins that plague you.

Though I was hesitant about using a "Bible" that was clearly a modernized version of the classic language, it really has made me want to read scripture more, shining light on details that I have missed on previous readings of the New Testament. It has done for me what The Message has done for many others--inspired me to dive in and learn more.

HOWEVER, I would recommend using this version as supplementary material only. Though it was put together by a "team of scholars partner[ing] with. . .writers to blend the mood and voice of the original author with an accurate rendering of the words of the text in English", it is still so modernized that I found myself reaching for my NIV to make sure it was accurate. So far, it has been (I've read 2 books). But to me, with all the explanatory material (much like the Amplified Bible), this version seems more like a commentary to be used in tandem with a Bible of a more classic translation. And not being a biblical scholar but just a girl who wants to read the Bible, I'm wondering if there could be inaccuracies or inappropriate language liberties taken that I'm missing. I'm keeping a skeptical eye out, but still loving it.

So, if you're finding your Bible reading flat or lifeless, maybe you should pick this up for that breath of new life you've been looking for. Just keep your "real" Bible close by and let me know what you think. I'm still rolling this one around in my brain.

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**Note: a review copy was given to me by the publishers with no requirement other than to post an honest review.

Battle Weary

2010-03-04T11:28:00.013-06:00

I'm tired of being afraid
I'm wondering how I got this way
I'm trying to remember
What life was like before
Panic moved in
Without even knocking on the door
(from You Have Mercy by JJ Heller)

Many of you know that I used to battle panic attacks. Fiercely. Daily. Up until 3 years ago, they lurked around every corner waiting to pounce and devour me. I felt powerless. Helpless.

Completely Without Hope

No matter how I prayed and begged God to take them away, they remained. Sometimes they even gained ferocity. I simply could not understand why God, the Great Physician and Healer, would not yank them out of my life like an attentive gardener would remove an overgrown weed choking life out of its surrounding garden. Why? Why would He wish this upon me? Did He not care that I felt like I was going crazy? Did He look the other way when He saw me too scared to even leave the house? Was He sitting idly by while my skin crawled, my stomach lurched, and my thoughts raced?

Where was this loving, concerned Father everyone was prattling on about?

Concerned? I felt dismissed. Loving? Ha! If letting your child feel like she is two hyperventilating breaths away from the Loony Bin is love, I was starting to think I didn't want anything to do with it. Still, I couldn't bring myself to walk away. If I gave up on God, where else would I go?

"So listen: Keep on asking, and you will receive. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened for you. All who keep asking will receive, all who keep seeking will find, and doors will open to those who keep knocking." Luke 11:9-10 The Voice

Why does God tarry? I don't know. Why did I have to fight panic for a decade even though I was screaming out for relief? Only God knows. One thing I do know? I once was imprisoned by panic. Now I am free.

Free!

And I am more sure than ever that there is a God, He is enamored with me, and He is more attentive than I could have ever imagined. The only answer I have for how I got from questioning God's love to being convinced of it was that I held on. I fought through. I did not give up on God.

I chose to believe that He was faithful to me even though I felt abandoned. (1 Cor. 1:9)
I chose to believe that He loved me even though I felt discarded. (Jer. 31:3)
I chose to believe that He cared about me even though I felt ignored. (1 Pet. 5:7)
That joy would come in the morning. (Ps. 30:11)
That I was more than a conquerer. (Rom. 8:37)
That He had given me a spirit not of fear, but of power, love and a SOUND MIND. (2 tim. 1:7)
That He would finish His work of freedom in me, even if it was taking longer than I liked. (Php. 1:6)

I chose to believe, and kept on choosing. Day after exhausting day. That was my part. God did the rest. Sometimes that's all God is asking of us--to stick in there and keep believing. Thank God, because often that's all we can do, right?

Sisters, I don't know exactly what kind of battle you're in today. Can I encourage you to just keep believing God? As much as I hated my season of panic, I know that I grew closer to my God and learned how to successfully fight the enemy because of it. It has also grown a compassion for other fearful women in me. I get them now. If I hadn't have had my own bout with anxiety, I would be in serious danger of doubting the faith of a gal in the grips of terror.

Sidenote: If you are struggling to believe God on something, DO NOT listen to the voices that say you have no faith. No, sister. . .God is in the midst of stretching the faith you already possess. You feel like you've lost your belief when in reality, it's being proven and grown.

There will be an end to your present struggle. It will not last forever. But the lesson you learn from it will. God is there. Very close-by. Working. Loving. Listening.

Fight to believe it.

Jesus, it's so hard to believe all the good things about you in the middle of a "bad" season. It's difficult to keep our minds on you, so we're asking you to empower us to believe you love us, are working for us, and are accomplishing something eternal in us. Help us to stick in there and fight through. Bring us out on the other side with shining, monstrous faith in you and your love for us. We love you, amen.

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photo: wind flower/photobucket user: horsemad883

God Interrupting

2010-02-24T10:02:00.007-06:00

Hey everyone! I just wanted to post a quick update so you know why you haven't been receiving a blog lately. Last week was Cooper's spring break (yes, in mid-February) so I just didn't find the time to post. Additionally, today and tomorrow, the two days I was planning to work in my blog writing, he is home from school with a painful scratch on his cornea. Youch!! Since I've been given these extra days with my sweet boy, I will enjoy him and choose not to sit myself in front of the computer punching away at the keyboard. He also has Fridays off, so there is a very real possibility of no more writing this week. I hope you understand.

This has been a great reminder from God for me to put my relationships before my calendar. This day was not planned and has interrupted my schedule, but I will delight in it. I would encourage you to do the same if something shakes up your plans today. Let's look at a change in our schedule as God graciously stepping in saying, "Nope, that's not what I want for you. . .this is. And it is what's best." Let's be humble enough to throw our agenda to the side and take up His instead.

Jesus, thank you for this extra time with Cooper. Help us to have a blast. And help us ladies to accept your interruptions with open hands today. Give us humility to accept them, wisdom to learn from them, and joy in the midst of them. We love you, amen.

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What's a Thin Place?

2010-02-10T12:40:00.015-06:00

Surprised to hear from me so soon? Well, I've got someone I'd like you to meet and I felt it couldn't wait. This is my friend Mary E. Demuth.

Isn't she a doll? Mary is one of my favorite authors. Not simply because she writes Christian-friendly fiction, or because she writes it beautifully (I generally get lost in her rich world of words), or even because she became a believer through Young Life. I read her stuff because she is real.

Authentic.

I don't have time to read ear candy. I want meat and potatoes. Struggle. Pain. Hope. Redemption. And Mary never disappoints. I have read 3 of her books and am now working on the 4th, and every time God speaks profoundly to my heart. My friend's new book hit the shelves this week.

Thin Places.

On Monday we spoke of finding God in your everyday ordinary. In this raw memoir, Mary finds the courage to discover Him in her broken past. A victor over childhood sexual abuse, neglect, and the death of a parent, she peers at an imprisoning adolescence through the eyes of freedom. She wrestles unashamedly through the effects of her abuse: insecurity, loneliness, and suicidal thoughts. She is bold, remarkably transparent, and surprisingly--refreshing.

I think most times we are afraid to delve into our pasts, petrified of what wound we might uncover there. In my quest for deep spiritual healing, I myself have felt that way. But Mary leads the charge for us timid ones, testifying that we need not shrink in fright. The past is redeemable with Christ. There is hope. And as I've seen illustrated so beautifully in this memoir, the very things we are afraid of about ourselves, God can heal, use to glorify Himself and bring people to His feet.

Thanks, Mary, for courageously sharing your life. You have reminded me that what the enemy wants to use for my destruction, Jesus will use for my good and His glory.

Visit Mary E. Demuth's website. See what other bloggers are saying.

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*a review book was provided by the publisher*

EXTRAordinary Communicator

2010-02-08T14:14:00.010-06:00

You've heard me mention before that I desire to live for God moment-by-moment. I want to hear His voice and sense His presence not only under the soft glow of my overhead lamp during my quiet time alone, but as I walk out into the harsh brightness of a new day. I recently read a story in an article by Murray Pura in a back issue of Crux journal about a couple who did just that.

"A curious and entertaining game was played by Ellen Pinzatski and her husband. They only played it once a year. . when they were camped far out in the mountains by a silent turquoise lake they had named Infrequent. The game consisted of one of the them pointing out a natural object, say a moss-swaddled cedar stump or a high and voluminous cloud formation, and the other stating, to the best of their ability, what characteristic of God was expressed that object" (December 1988).

I love that! I know it's not possible for us to live our entire lives lakeside basking in the peace of wide-open places (maybe that's why they nicknamed their lake Infrequent), but maybe it's possible to feel the freedom of those moments daily. Maybe we can feel the breath of God on our faces when the only breeze we're getting is when the office A/C kicks on. I don't know.

Murray mentions that the Pinzatski game was birthed out of their love for Paul's words in Romans 1:20. I like the way The Voice translation says it:

"From the beginning, creation in its magnificence enlightens us to His nature. Creation itself makes his undying power and divine identity clear, even though they are invisible. . ."

God is making Himself apparent to us everyday in the wonders He has created around us. Wouldn't it be great if, as we're sitting at that stoplight we hate, we could imbibe the beauty of that little yellow flower bursting forth from the patch of dirt and weeds on the corner? Or what if we took a moment on our lunch break to gaze into the heavens before we sped off to a stress-inducing restaurant? What could happen? Maybe we would give God the opportunity to press upon our heart how He loves to bring beauty and life out of ugly circumstances, a la yellow flower. Or possibly how He is ever with us and never leaves us. I got that message loudly one day as I was freaking out about something (shocking, I know). I looked out my window and there was a cross made out of clouds in a bright blue sky. Clear as day. It brought immediate peace. It's as if God was saying, "I'm still here and it will be okay." But, if I would have never peered upward, I would have missed Him.

Girls, I know we are busy. Some of us barely have time to pluck our eyebrows much less pluck profound meaning out of ordinary, everyday events. But I believe it is in those ordinary moments that God can speak extraordinary truths. He is communicating all the time; we must only stop and listen.

So, I'd like to challenge you today. Sometime this week, will you take a moment to take in a little bit of nature, asking God to speak to you through it? It may take a few tries; sometimes I just can't get my brain to shut up long enough to hear anything, especially something as quiet as a whisper from an invisible God. If you're like me in that area, can you keep giving it a go until you hear something? And then, if you don't mind, would you encourage me by coming back here and letting me know what you experienced? I'll be praying for God to speak loudly in your quiet moments.

Jesus, thank you that you want to speak to us everyday in every situation. So often I feel alone as I walk out into my day, but that simply is not the truth. You are ever speaking. Please help me and my friends here to remember to look for you in the ordinary over these next few days. Remind them of You when they see that newborn calf in the field on their way to work or that singing robin on their morning run. Wherever you are wanting to display yourself, attract and open their eyes powerfully. And help us all to see that the "ordinary" is indeed your extraordinary. We love you, amen.

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Oh, Mercy!

2010-02-03T11:08:00.010-06:00

"A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace". . .from "Inside Out" by Hillsong United

As I stepped out of my quiet time this morning, I stepped right into a puddle of sin. Granted, it was a small puddle, but a puddle nonetheless. My first reaction was to berate myself for not avoiding it; I should know better, after all. But as I confessed it to Jesus, in His sweet way He reminded me of the lyrics above. I have failed thousands of times and will continue to stumble through this journey with Christ; it's a muddy, sloppy road. However, His mercy remains. I can never err so much that He throws up His hands and says, "Well, that was the last straw. I'm done with her. Be gone, Misti Dawn Gil!" Yes, my name is a weather forecast. . .focus.

My problem is I keep thinking God is like everyone around me, sizing me up according to what I do, how I perform. But, thankfully, He operates in a blessedly different manner.

". . .the LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." 1 Sam. 16:7b

When I raise my voice with Cooper, God sees the wounded place from which that yelling comes. When I isolate myself, He sees that scared little girl inside of me afraid of getting hurt again. When He sees you reach for that drink, or food, or whatever it may be that you use to anesthetize, He sees your hurt and fear too. And His heart breaks.

He's not so much watching our actions and waiting to pounce as much as He's walking beside us catching us when we trip up. He is, well, tender. I love that description. . .tender. It just speaks peace deep down into my soul. And nowhere in scripture does he display this quality more, in my opinion, than in His encounter with the adulterous woman. (Click on that link and give it a quick read if you're not familiar with it.)

I am that woman. Am I sleeping with another man? No. But I bed with other sins like Anger, Isolation, and Performance way more often than I would like to fess up to. And I am so thankful that when I'm snatched up by my old sins again, Jesus repeats those words He used so long ago.

"Well, I do not condemn you either; all I ask is that you go and from now on avoid the sins that plague you." John 8:11 The Voice

Sweet Jesus. So full of compassion. There is no condemnation. No Tsk-Tsking. There is a loving hand reaching out to encourage us away from the sin that imprisons us and toward the life that frees us. Ladies, it's not about what you do. Our God is much deeper than that. He sees your heart and He longs to heal it. Let's not get so focused on our behaviors that we don't see the heart behind the issue. We must dive in and ask what is behind it all, what is causing us to circle back to that sin. Let's ask God, like David, to go deeper, to heal us from the inside out so that our sin no longer entangles us.

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Psalm. 139:23-24

Jesus, we get so down on ourselves when we fail. We want so badly to be everything we think You want. But what you want is our heart, fully surrendered, resting in your sufficiency, not our ability. So, as much as we would like a nice, succinct list of behaviors to follow, we forfeit that desire. We now give you our hearts. Transform them and, in the process, us. We love you, amen.

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I Need A Favor. . .

2010-01-28T21:42:00.003-06:00

Okay, it seems that my old feed provider (the thing that sends you an automatic email with my post in it) just isn't cutting it on my end; I have absolutely no way to manage the account. So, I have switched to a new one, but I need to make sure all of you are on the new provider as well. Here's where you come in. If the email you receive from me is a black and white copy with the entire devotional included and the SUBJECT line is always "Walls Down" then you're who I need to talk to. Could you please go to the bottom of this email and unsubscribe? THEN (don't forget this step!) return to my blogsite at www.wallsdown.blogspot.com and resubscribe with the new feed provider? It's relatively the same process...typing your email address into a little white box. You will have to answer a few questions, but it's very simple and takes only a minute or two. Thank you so much!!

If your email is blue and brown, topped with the Walls Down header, and has a subject line that is the name of the weekly post, then you don't have to do anything! You're already on the new provider. Hurrah!

Please let me know if you have any questions. I so appreciate you helping me out here. Have a great weekend!

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A 151 Heart

2010-01-27T10:15:00.014-06:00

Happy Thursday! You're almost done with your work week! Woohoo!!

Thank you all for your kind words and concerns about Cooper. He is doing much better this week. However, I wasn't until a few days ago. Those of you who have children--have you ever noticed that? Your child has an issue that brings him to shoulder-heaving sobs, but he has moved on by mid-afternoon while you're left in a downward spiraling whirlpool of worry and discouragement? Not fair, I say. NOT FAIR! However, I'd rather me be left dealing with it than him. I don't have to like it, though.

I tend to do that. . .wallow. Anyone else? Do I have any Pity Party attenders out there? What is up with that, anyway? Why is it so difficult to take God at His word and rest in His promises of provision and security? What is it about us that must constantly turn a molehill into a mountain? To take a problem, dissect it like an 8th grade lab frog and lament over the complexities of sewing it back together? Why do we do this?

As I was ruminating over Cooper's hypothetical school issues, God was already at work safeguarding his heart. Sunday morning at about 3 a.m. Coop woke up wailing that scared "Mommy!" scream all moms hate to hear. As I slouched onto his bed, he reported that he had a bad dream. I think he was stuck in a barrel (stupid Super Mario Brothers Wii game). I reassured him, prayed over him, and after he begged Satan to return to Jesus, he drifted off to a sweet slumber. I thought. He woke me again to tell me he just had a good dream. Awesome! Though reassured, I wasn't thrilled about being jostled awake for happy news. If I get woken up at 3:30 a.m. someone better be in imminent danger--real or imagined. We thanked God for better dreams and quickly fell asleep. Then. . .he had the nerve to rouse me a 3rd time. As I was preparing a speech in my head detailing the benefits of sleep, he announced that in this dream he was a spy peering into Heaven. Suddenly, it didn't matter that it was 4:00 in the morning.

"Mommy, I was a spy and I was looking into Heaven and Satan and Jesus were fighting. Satan was saying, 'I'm giving Cooper bad dreams!' and Jesus was saying, 'I'm giving Cooper good dreams!' Then I typed in my spy thing (fingers typing air guitar style) and I said, 'I want to see Jesus close up.' Then it zoomed into His heart and I saw power! There was power in His heart. It said 151 and 151!"

By the way, Cooper's idea of a huge amount is 151, so the fact that Jesus had that total squared is a big deal. I am convinced that Jesus spoke to Cooper through that dream that night, telling him that the Almighty is with him all the time, fighting for his little self. But, honestly, I think it did more to encourage me than it did Coop. In all of my imagined fears, God was saying, "Misti, chill out. I've got him." I should have been immediately ripped out of my emotional funk, but I'm stubborn. Hey. . .keep your "amens" to yourself.

Yesterday, as I, still emotionally weary, was putting Coop to bed he revealed during our nightly talking time that something had "hurt him on the inside a little" today at school. I'm thinking, "Guh. . .I don't know how much more my emotions can handle. Leave my little boy alone!" It seems another little girl--what is it with these girls?--laughed at Coop because his favorite color is red, a color that she had decided was a girls' color. She actually pointed at him and laughed. Really? I mean, who does that? So, I asked Cooper how he responded.

"I just said in my head, That wasn't very nice. But it's okay because Jesus loves me!" He stated that he felt much better after that.

*sigh* I love You so much, Jesus. Thank you that he seems to be getting it even while I have no idea what I'm doing in this parenting thing.

And I don't. I think I have an aspect of it figured out and then Coop comes home with something that blows my theory out of the water. I can't seem to figure it out, or even stop worrying about figuring it out. But I'm learning that I don't have to have it all figured out. My comfort zone is in having everything tidily wrapped up with a neat little bow...If I can make sense of it, I can live with it. But to my disillusionment, God doesn't work that way. He is a day-by-day, moment-by-moment kind of God. And sometimes, He makes absolutely no sense.

Earlier this week Coop and I read about Abram in Genesis. . .how God just told him to leave his home and "go to the land [God] will show him." God didn't say, "Now, Abram, here's the plan. You're going to head towards Shechem. When you get there, build and altar and then head out to Bethel. You will eventually end up in Canaan. . .oh, nevermind. Let me draw you a map." No, He said, "Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you. And do you know what Abram did? He went! I'm curious as to whether he was wondering what the heck God was up to. Did it make any kind of sense to Abram at all? It doesn't seem to matter because he obeyed. Can you imagine that conversation?

Abram: Alright, Sarai, Lot. . .pack up. We're heading out.
Sarai: Uh, where?
Abram: I don't know.
Sarai: Excuse me?
Abram: I don't know. . .I'm just doin' what I'm told.

I wish I were more like Abram, just doing what I'm told. But so often I find myself questioning God. Why? Where? Well, how long will it take? Who will be there? Is it gonna hurt? Can I take Lou with me?
And, unfortunately, something I have figured out (yey!) is that all my questioning isn't just an intelligent, inquisitive mind at work (boo!). It is unbelief. Period.

I question because I don't trust God's promise that He will take care of me (Ps. 23). I don't trust that I'm going to be okay because God is with me wherever I go (Jos. 1:9). I say I believe Him with my mouth, but so often my actions betray me.

Unbelief. Yuck.

Today, like the demon-possessed boy's father in the gospels, I'm asking for God to help me overcome my unbelief. No more worrying. No more fretting. No more having to have everything figured out so I can have peace to move on. No more. I must start finding peace in God's love and care, not my ability to make sense of it all.

Cooper is right--Jesus does have a heart full of power and it's about time I start trusting it.

Jesus, I confess my unbelief today. I'm sorry that I so often try to figure it all out. That's not the adventurous life you've called me to. Help me and my friends here to trust You moment-by-moment, even if we don't know what's around the corner. Empower us to be comfortable simply knowing that You do. Thank You, Jesus, for being trustworthy. We love you, Amen.

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Thank You. . .

2010-01-23T10:35:00.005-06:00

I just wanted to send you all a quick thank you for the loads of encouragement you have given me these last two weeks. In this quest to follow Christ with this writing thing and to conquer my self-doubt in the midst of it, your words have been invaluable. I am so humbled that God would condescend to use someone as broken and sinful as myself to speak any kind of truth into your lives, and I am grateful you would even listen. Thank you for your love, your trust and your faithfulness. I will strive to be worthy of that trust. I love you. . .

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God in the Mess

2010-01-20T09:31:00.014-06:00

I'm heavy-hearted today. I just sent my little kindergartener off to school in tears because he didn't want to go. "They make fun of me, Mommy." He's referring to a little girl who looked at one of his drawings and told him, "You're not even an artist" and a couple of older boys he's convinced were laughing at him one day. These instances seem small to us adults, but to my soft-hearted sweetie, they deliver a powerful blow to his sensitive soul.

My husband and I are very intentional about filling Cooper's heart with love, affirmation, and encouragement in an effort to give him a sense of confidence and security. But after his reactions to these classmates, I find myself wondering if it is enough. I think my hope was that at his first peer insult Coop would be able to react with something like, "Whatever. I know I'm great and that God loves me. I don't need your approval." Expecting too much from a 5-yr-old?

I've been reminded afresh this morning that the world we live in is not all rainbows and butterflies. Yes, I already knew that, but some days Satan's plans slap me squarely in the face. I know that just as much as God has a plan to prosper Cooper and give him abundant, full life, Satan has a plan to completely annihilate him. As we were discussing this very thing in our family time this week (isn't it funny how God sets us up for our next trial), Coop and I illustrated it like this:

Let me explain this a little since evidently I'm not an artist either. In the bottom center is Cooper--with his cool, new hairdo--a road on either side of him. Every day he has a choice of which one he will take. The path to the left is Satan's journey for him (hence, the fire at the end) and God's is on the right. If you'll look closely you'll see that Satan's way is a pretty straight shot with no visible obstacles. We pointed out that it looks easier sometimes, but there are traps hidden along the way. That blobby thing in the middle of the road with "trees" covering it is supposed to depict that. Don't judge my skills! The "right" road looks more arduous. . .mountains, boulders, etc., but it leads to a joyful peace with Christ (big, happy face). Sidenote: look at Jesus loving on the little ones in the bottom right. . .precious. That was Coop's idea; Momma was so proud. However, Satan also has children. I don't know what to think of that, but I'm just choosing not to overanalyze it. The best part of the drawing is Cooper choosing to draw himself on God's pathway and writing "yes" next to it. He chooses Christ. Thank you, Jesus.

But, as I saw this morning when my son tried to fake a stomachache to stay home, choosing to believe Christ in theory is much easier than actually doing it. Choosing to believe what God says about you and your relationship with Him is much simpler before you're actually called on to do it. But that's the sticking point in our faith, isn't it? Are we really going to believe God in a way that influences the way we think and live or are we going to play church? I know, I know. It's not easy, but did God call us to a life of comfort and ease or of adventure? Think about it. . .are you really content with an unchallenging, boring life? Something comes alive in us when we are called to the mat to stand up for Christ. If we can get out of our slimy pit of negative thinking and risk to believe God's promises for us, He will surprise us with His faithfulness and care. He longs to speak life and love to us, but when we're stuck in comfortable coasting somehow we can't hear Him as well.

As much as I hate to see Cooper have to deal with the arrows aimed at his heart, I have to trust that God is using them to woo him into a passionate, intimate, believing relationship with Himself. I like the way Brent Curtis says it in The Sacred Romance:

". . .every single thing in the lives of both nations and individuals is orchestrated with this sole objective that they might seek God." (taken from Acts 17:26-28)

Every SINGLE thing. If I can take a step back and look at life's pain from an eternal perspective, my world brightens a bit. Is it still tremendously difficult to send my sweet angel into a gladiatorial arena? Absolutely! But am I going to rescue him from the realities of the world and rob him of God's internal work in his life to assuage my pain? NO. I'm going to pray in the difficulties he faces, whether traps set by the enemy or obstacles sent by God, he chooses to think God's thoughts. My only choice is to daily surrender him (and the rest of my life) to the Keeper of Our Hearts and trust that He is good and able. Again, it's a choice.

Peace or despair.

I can't help what God chooses for him; I can only help my heart in the midst of it. Surrender. Trust. If I want to be sane, they are my only options. And yours, too. Whatever is bigger than life to you right now, can you risk to hand it over to God? Can you trust that He ordained it, is using it to romance you, and is right in the middle of it to equip and comfort you? Stop your swirling thoughts for a sec and ask God to take over. Then do your best to let Him. Though it's way easier said than done, if we can manage to pull it off, the peace we receive really does pass all understanding. Give it a shot. I mean, it's better than the alternative of fretting and heavyheartedness, right?

Father, like Cooper did on paper, I choose you. I put myself on the "right" road today and entrust my precious boy to You knowing that You know what You're doing. And I pray for Cooper and the rest of my friends here, that You would enable them to completely surrender their trials to You today and believe Your promises to them. Uphold them, encourage them, and strengthen them to withstand the challenges before them today. Show yourself mighty and faithful. Thank you for loving us enough to get dirty in our lives. We love you, amen.

Update: Cooper just informed me that the children by Satan are laughing at him. Okay. . .I feel better.

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To Boldly Go...

2010-01-11T13:34:00.004-06:00

Happy New Year! Yes, I know it is the 11th, but as many of you know, I am perpetually running behind. So love me for who I am and accept my belated salutation with the warmth with which it is sent. Thank you.

Well, I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm not normally the girl who sets life-changing resolutions this time of year. But for some reason, 2010 is different. Maybe it's because it's a new decade. Maybe it's because I've been on this self-evaluation and healing kick lately. OR . . . *insert light bulb above head here*. . . maybe it's because God has been kicking me in the pants regularly these last few weeks over the same issue.

"Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you. Be very careful, then, how you live--not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity because the days are evil." Eph. 5:14b-16

I have been asleep. Hiding. Running from God's call on my life. I have let my self-doubt intimidate and paralyze me. And I am grieved by that. God has been clear that His call on my life is to teach and exhort His people, but the responsibility and "bigness" of that has scared me into a dark corner of isolation and insecurity. The question that has continually been a boulder in my path is, "Who do you think you are that you think you have any wisdom to share?" But, I will listen no more. How thankful I am that God's M.O. is to use weak, frail, "normal" people like me to glorify Himself. Inconceivable but true.

So. . .that is why you have a blog today. If God is calling me to write in 2010, I will do it. My commitment to you is to have a weekly blog as long as God gives them to me. And I want you to hold me accountable. If I skip a week, call me out. I have a responsibility to glorify God with the gifts and talents He's given me. Don't let me get away with holing up in my house and ignoring His call. Your rebuke is welcome. But don't get crazy.

And since my M.O. is gettin' in yo' face, let me ask. . .What about you? Where in life have you been asleep? Sitting the bench? And what's keeping you there? Whatever it is, know that God is bigger than your particular obstacle. Either He's God or He's not. Either He's big enough to equip you with whatever you need to accomplish the task, or He's not. You must decide what you truly believe. Do you believe God's truth about you or Satan's lies?

Power or paralysis...the choice is yours.

God wants you to "make the most of every opportunity" that He has given you. He is asking that you no longer listen to the negativity that swims in your head. You are a child of the Most High God and you have His Spirit living in you. You have no reason to shy away from His calling. So this year, this decade, resolve with me to go boldly wherever God beckons knowing that He will equip, empower and sustain you.

Until next week. . .

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Somethin' vs. Nothin'

2009-10-01T14:15:00.006-05:00

"She is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction
She is trying
But the canyon's ever widening
In the depths of her cold heart
So she sets out on another misadventure just to find
She's another two years older
And she's three more steps behind"

I was listening to this song by Casting Crowns this morning, and though I think it is speaking about a woman who does not know Jesus, it seems applicable to us as believers as well.

"She is running a hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction..."

Running. Striving. Scratching and Clawing. Do you feel like that today? Do you feel like no matter what you do, you just can't make it work? You can't pull it all together or figure it all out? May I suggest that maybe you're not supposed to? May I be a bit bolder and ask you if maybe you're trying so hard because you're trying to do it on your own or run your own agenda? I hear ya'...I do that a lot. I happen to think my agenda is a pretty good plan. To my surprise, God is not about approving my plans or running things the way I see fit. He seems to have His own thing going on and it ain't about me doing my thing in my way.

No, instead, he talks to me A LOT about abiding in Him. Abiding...what does that even mean? There are many definitions, but the one that grabbed my attention earlier this week was "to remain as one; not to become another or different". It reminded me of the parable Jesus told in John 15.

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains (abides) in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; APART (becoming another) from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned." vss. 5-6

"Nothing". Hmm. "Really, God? Nothing?" I wonder what He really means. Good ol' Webster has a nice way of summing up the meaning of the word nothing: "of no account: worthless". So let me think here. If I hang tight to Jesus and try to follow His plan as much as possible, I will bear MUCH fruit, but if I decide to try to push my agenda, the only thing I can accomplish is worthless and of no account. It seems like an easy choice, yet I so often pick the latter. Anybody with me? Anybody get to the end of their week and realize they have been running in the wrong direction the entire time and feeling older but still 3 steps behind?

Ladies, we must make an intentional effort to abide in Christ...to not become another or different. We must stay stuck fast to Him so that we know the steps we are making every moment of every day are falling along the path He has laid out for us. If we want to be fruitful; if we want to have peace at the end of the day; if we don't want to be like that branch that is withered and prime for destruction, we must approach Jesus throughout the day and check in. Have your time with Him everyday but don't stop there!

My husband sets his phone alarm to strike every hour so he can check in with God. He prays for guidance and gets his mind focused back on Jesus. You don't have to do that, but kick up your walk with Jesus a notch. Create a way to keep in regular contact with Him. And let me know what it is...I would love to hear how varied everyone's approach will be.

Our life is not about what WE accomplish and what WE do. It is about being an instrument for Jesus. It's about Him. If we have any kind of chance to make an impact for Him that's worth while and of much account, we must keep in close communication with Him. Put Him first, talk to Him often, and the fruit you will bear will be abundant and eternal.

I love you, girls. Have a restful weekend walking closely to Jesus. Tell Him I said hello!

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Belief + ?

2009-09-17T13:52:00.014-05:00

So, I have read or heard the story of the "good Samaritan" umpteen times in my short life as a follower of Jesus, so when it came up in my devotional today I was none too excited. I'm thinking, Oh, man. I've read this a million times! Guh! But, being the forever obedient servant of the Lord that I am *wink, wink* I decided to plod ahead and see if just maybe the Creator of the Universe might be able to pierce my superior intellect with a new revelation. Hello, Pride.

Anyhoo, I'm four verses into the story in Luke 10, and I'm stopped in my tracks at the six words in verse 29.

"...but he wanted to justify himself..."

I didn't even get to the portion of the parable we so often hear in the pew. God honed my focus onto the man to which the parable was told. This expert of the law asked what we needed to do to be saved and received the Great Commandments as his answer...to love the Lord with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength and to love others as we love ourselves. Jesus, God in the flesh, looked him in the eyes and told him what would make him right in the Father's eyes. How to be justified. Righteous. Deemed acceptable. Yet the man was not satisfied with Jesus' definition. He wanted to "justify himself". The entire parable we are so familiar with is Jesus' answer to the man's attempt to make himself right in his own eyes.

So, instead of focusing on the parable, I want us to look at the man behind it. A man who could not accept Jesus' justification. I'd like us to ask ourselves, "Am I like him?" "Do I dismiss God's definition of righteousness so easily?"

"Consider Abraham, 'He believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness.'" Gal. 3:6

What made Abraham right in the eyes of God? Belief. Faith. It's that simple. Not belief AND having a quiet time every day. Not faith AND never making a mistake, following every letter of the Christian law.

BELIEF. That's it. That's all.

What are you trying to add to your faith to make you feel acceptable and "right" to God? Do you beat yourself up every time you make a mistake or drop the ball? Maybe you're adding perfectionism to your faith.

Do you give and give until you're a ball of nerves or a ragdoll on the floor no good to anyone? Maybe you've added service to your faith.

Should we spend time with God everyday? Yes. Should we serve? Yes. Should we do our best at what we've been called to do? Yes.

But should we be looking to those things to convince ourselves that we are right in the eyes of God and have his favor because of them? No.

You will mess up. You will have days or seasons when you simply cannot give. Are you going to come down on yourself and doubt your righteousness? Are you going to start looking for ways to prove to God that you are worthy of His love? Do not fall for the lie!! If you have believed on Jesus, you are okay with God. You are still accepted, loved, and deeply cherished.

His love is not conditional.

Ladies, we do not have to earn our acceptance. We do not have to prove our worth. All we must do is believe. Believe that you need Jesus and trust Him with your life. You do that, and you're golden. Stop trying to justify yourself; it's not your job. That job has already been done by the only One qualified to do it.

Accept it. Receive it. Rest in it.

Oh, Jesus, we admit that we like to try to earn your love and grace. We confess that to you today and ask your forgiveness. You died on that cross so we didn't have to be "good enough" and we are claiming today that Your sacrifice was enough. We will stop trying to add to it. We love you, Amen.

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I'm Back!

2009-09-01T11:42:00.002-05:00

Well, Coop is now in kindergarten (more on that later), so now I am entering into a new season of life. And it is my intent to get back to blogging on a more regular basis. But, since many of you know how easily I get overwhelmed, I am not forcing myself to have a full blog right off the bat. So, in an effort to ease myself back into writing/blogging, I'm just posting a nice, succinct quote today. If you want to comment, feel free. Love you, girls!

"When it comes to crises or events that really upset us, this I have learned: you can have God or you can have understanding. Sometimes you can have both." ~John Eldredge, Walking With God

Talk amongst yourselves...

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Fact or Feeling?

2008-12-18T12:50:00.006-06:00

Hey, sista friends! I've missed y'all so much in this time off I've taken. Just so you know, I still love to blog, but haven't been able to find the time to devote to it. I pray about it often and ask that when God wants me to post, He'll give me the time and direction. This is the first time that has happened since the end of October. Cooper is at home sick today and is napping, which he never does, so here I sit with you. I pray that God would speak through me today straight into your heart. I love you all so much.

Earlier this week I was talking with one of my girls that is home from college, and during our conversation God really hammered a truth into my heart. I've been mulling over this particular truth in my mind for some time, but in listening to my sweet friend's heart, it seemed to come alive to me. And here it is:

I think, as women, our biggest battle is to believe truth over our emotions.

God has given us a gift to be filled with love, to be able to celebrate with the jubilant, or to hurt with those who are in pain. But, often those same emotions lead us to mistake lust for love, or to participate in something simply because it feels good, or to assume false guilt for something that we have no responsibility for. For instance, how many moms out there are watching their child walk in rebellion and wondering what they did to cause it because it feels like it must be their fault? Or how many are looking back on a mistake they made and beating themselves into the ground for it because they feel ashamed?

Better yet, how many of us are looking at our lives, our daily circumstances, our spouses, our finances, our school load, or even ourselves and thinking it's all too much for us to handle simply because it feels that way?

"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" Jeremiah 17:9

The heart, the point of origin for all our feelings and emotions, is described by God as "deceitful above all things". What does this mean for us? For me, it means not believing everything I feel. Just because a thought or feeling comes into my head or tries to land on my heart, doesn't mean it's true! I must weigh everything I feel on the scale of God's word. I'm going to list some of the lies I'm most vulnerable to believe as an aid for you to identify yours.

-I'm a bad mother because I'm sometimes impatient or dismissive with Cooper.
-I am a horrible wife because... (the list is endless here).
-My past experiences render me useless and dirty...no real use in the kingdom of God.
-I'll never get over my struggles. I'll forever be in bondage, not living the full life God intends for me.
-I can't do it.
-God won't do it.
-God doesn't care about me.
-God won't protect my family.
-I need to control everything for all to be okay.
-I must be perfect.

Lies, lies, lies!!!!!!!!!!!!

What would my life look like if I walked around everyday blindly believing such utter falsehood? I can tell you because I still have times that I do it. I would be down, discouraged, stressed out, untrusting, and faithless. My life would be characterized by recurring failure instead of consistent victory. So you may be saying, "Great, Misti. Now what? What am I supposed to do with these overwhelming feelings I have?"

I'm not saying that you shouldn't have feelings; I'm simply saying that they need to be put behind truth. Truth needs to be leading the way, not your feelings. And in order for truth to take it's proper place as the head, it needs to be chosen. Like so much in our walk with Jesus, it starts with a choice. You must choose to believe fact over feeling. For instance, even though sometimes I feel like a failure and like my past and weaknesses render me useless, I must choose to believe that I have been forgiven and made white as snow (Isa. 1:18) and that God is proven strong through my weaknesses (2Cor. 12:9). When I'm tempted to believe that I can't do it, that God won't get me to this continually victorious life, I have to choose to believe that He who started a good work in me will complete it (Php. 1:6). And when I feel like God doesn't love me, I choose to remember the Father sending His only Son as a sacrifice for me. I remember the torture and death that Jesus endured for me and my lie is eclipsed by the truth of His scandalous love. Then, the choice is mine. Will I dismiss the truth to wallow in my own misery, or turn and be renewed, strengthened, and changed by the truth? I either trust God or trust my emotions.

I know that this choice is difficult. We women are emotional people, but, we need to tell our emotions what to do, not the other way around. If you don't know what lies you're believing and walking in, ask God. Once you ask, He is faithful to tell you. Then, find some scripture to combat those lies. Keep saying those verses with your head until your heart and emotions follow.

Ladies, don't take this lightly. Stand up and fight for your victory and peace. Your God is doing His part; now, do yours. I love you.

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Look! A poem!

2008-10-28T21:22:00.006-05:00

I think God gave me this poem; I pray that it speaks to you. Have a wonderful week!

King of Kings

The background for defeat had been carefully set.
The enemy proclaiming, "I'll get them yet!
Their bodies are weak!
They shake to their core!
They have no hope
In this eternal war!

I'm much stronger and smarter and craftier than they.
Oooh. . .they make the perfect prey!
With their selfish hearts
And their lustful eyes
It will be so easy
To bring their demise!

Mount up, you spirits and minions of mine!
Let's make quick work of the deaf, dumb, and blind."

"Wait! What is that rumbling and roar that I hear?
Is it just me, or does it sound painfully near?"
Forced into silence
Frozen in place
The enemy is then
Brought face-to face

With the One who is called Faithful and True
Mounted majestically on His steed, too.
Holy eyes aflame
And Sword in hand
His glory too much
For evil to stand.

Satan's forced to his knees with his face in the mud
Now level with the hem of the robe dipped in blood.
A reminder of the day
Of his victory sweet
That ended too quickly
With bitter defeat.

Then the Holy of Holies opened His mouth
And the sweetest and fiercest of words sprang out.
"You mess with them
You mess with Me.
When you come after them
It's Me you'll see.

I go where they go; I am where they are.
You can try to advance but you won't get far.
So stalk all you want
And pursue if you must.
But you'll end up back here
With your face in the dust.

For they are my beloved. My sheep. My bride.
And under my protective wings they hide.
You can't get to them
Except through Me, you see.
And we both know
That before Me you must flee."

And in that instant, Satan did just that!
He tucked tail and ran in no time flat!
A cocky foe
So assured of a win
Was put in his place
By Jesus again.

So, why do I fear and why do I doubt?
This is MY king I've been talking about!
Satan attacks
He threatens and scares
He comes after me
With whatever he dares.

But Jesus continues to call and to stress
That He is my rock, my mighty fortress!
I am hidden, protected
The safest of girls.
For greater is He in me
Than he in the world!

This is your King, ladies. Don't ever let the enemy convince you that anything is impossible for you who are in Christ. You are covered by the King of Kings and Lord Of Lords. Rest in Him and He will assure your victory. I love y'all!

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First Floor Living

2008-10-13T22:00:00.006-05:00

"Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place." Psalm 51:6

You know, I have read this verse multiple times, but it is hitting me afresh in this new phase in my life. God is taking me through an unprecedented time of uprooting lies, darkness, and strongholds in the deepest parts of me. I was telling a friend today that I feel like His garden and He is tilling up every single, little bitty inch of soil in me. About two weeks ago He had me in such bewilderment that spiritually and emotionally I simply didn't know which way was up. As Brenda (my counselor) put it, I didn't feel like I had a place to land. I was confused and astonished at the depths of what I saw in myself.

You see, a few weeks back Brenda told me she thought God was leading us to start exploring how I felt about what happened to Gabi and how that made me feel about Him. Although I wasn't really excited about delving into the pain of losing my first child all over again, I really didn't expect to find what I did. I thought that I was pretty healed and had found my peace with God, but man, He showed me some deep-seated belief issues that have developed from my pain. Issues that I didn't even know were there! Crazy. And these issues are keeping me from where God wants me now--emotionally, spiritually, and where I've seen it the most, relationally.

Did you hear that? Something hidden and unacknowledged in my deepest places was recklessly playing itself out in my life. And if left unchecked, it will continue to undermine every relationship and taint everything I try to do with the LORD. I will continue to hit the same wall, have the same frustrations, and fight the same discouraging fights.

I like the way that Brenda explains it. She says when difficult events happen in our lives, a lot of times we stuff our emotions and questions and feelings down into the basement of ourselves. And then we proceed to live on the first floor. We're going about life just fine, thinking all is dandy all the time living in denial of our deepest hurts and pains. We are, in effect, separated from our true selves. Extraordinary.

Well, you know how I feel about authenticity, so when I found out I had a basement filled with junk I wasn't confronting and dealing with, I made a decision to sweep it out. I asked God to shine light on every dark place in me. I wanted Jesus, the Truth, to dwell in the deepest places of me. I wanted to not only let myself in to see what was down there, I wanted to let Jesus in to heal it so I could be more whole for myself and my family and more effective for Him. And like I said, what I found ain't perty.

So, yes, I am a tilled-up garden. Yes, He is showing me the lies and doubt that have grown up like weeds around me. But, PRAISE HIS NAME, he is systematically and lovingly yanking out those weeds and beginning to replace them with seeds of truth and faith. He is amazing!

So, my question to you is. . .is there a wall you seem to keep hitting in your relationships either with God or with other people? Are you fighting the same battle you've been fighting for years? (I guess that's two questions.) Maybe a trip down to your basement is in order. Would you be willing to ask Him to shine light on your dark places knowing that He is faithful to heal them? I'll be the first to tell you that it's not easy or pleasant; in fact, it's extremely uncomfortable. But, I think it's worth it.

And, gals, when He reveals those ugly places to us, don't you dare let the enemy wrap you up in shame for there is NO CONDEMNATION for us who are lovers of Jesus (Rom. 8:1)! God reveals so that we can repent and heal, not so we can beat ourselves up. We must own what's down there and then lay it at the feet of Christ. It may sound something like, "God, I am having a tough time believing that you love me because of. . . Please help me with that. Guide me and show me what to do now." And then watch for His instruction. And you know what? If your basement looks anything like mine and you're having a tough time dealing with what you find, don't feel bad about having to find a good Christian counselor. Sometimes we need help from someone wiser; I think that's okay.

Girls, don't be afraid of what's down there. Be afraid of living a life separated from your true self and from your true God. It will cripple you.

Father God, give us the courage to ask you to shine light on our darkness. We need You to invade every part of us if we're ever going to consistently walk the full life You call us to. We love You and we trust You with every part of us. Thank You for being willing to get Your hands dirty in our lives. Amen.

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Oh. . .life.

2008-10-06T22:14:00.003-05:00

Hey, everybody! These last couple of weeks have been a little crazy so I haven't been able to carve out time to write a devotional for you. But it is my desire to do so sometime this week. I'm sorry I'm inconsistent sometimes, but you know, life is life. Sometimes it doesn't fit into my schedule. . .right?! It might be more convenient for you to subscribe to this blog so that it comes directly to your inbox when I post. That way you're not always having to check to see if I've written something new. Talk to you soon! Love you all.

When Good Isn't Good Enough

2008-09-22T15:55:00.005-05:00

A couple of weeks ago I interviewed for a wonderful job with a ministry that provides physical and spiritual aid to the hurting and needing in Africa and India. After I answered questions about my qualifications and time availability, I listened as the founders of this ministry detailed what occurs in their projects. Girls and boys homes. Schools. Medical help. Christ-centered love. It was all so exciting and I quickly found myself daydreaming about writing newsletters for these servants and someday traveling to Africa to see their work in progress. At the end of our time, I expressed my excitement about the position but told them that I would have to go home and pray over the weekend to make sure God was giving me the o.k. to take the position. I assured them that I would probably be starting on Tuesday. That's what I get for speaking before praying.

I went home and did some research on the ministry, which only fueled my desire to take the position. Then I prayed, asking God to be clear on His direction, beseeching Him, really, to not let me stray from His path for me. You see, as much as I wanted to accept that job, there was something that wasn't sitting well in me. Something just didn't feel right. I began to suspect that this dis-ease was God saying no.

"But this job is perfect, God! The hours are outstanding. The money is great. . .it would allow us to finally catch up on bills. Their work is right up my alley, Lord! Why not?"

I never really got a direct answer to that question. But what I feel God did say is, "It's good. But it's not my best for you."

Hmph.

I was not happy; I'm not gonna lie. I wanted this job and I wasn't excited about laying it on the altar of obedience. But I had to ask myself whether I was going to serve myself or serve God.

"Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father and I too will love him and show myself to him." John 14:21

How many times have we heard that actions speak louder than words? I have had numerous people tell me that they love me, but their actions have betrayed their claims. So, here I was. . .where the rubber meets the road. I proclaim loudly and often that I love Jesus, but was I willing to put my money where my mouth was? Was I willing to sacrifice what I wanted to do what He wanted?

As difficult as it was, I made the phone call to turn down the perfect job. I wish I could say that I was happy to do it and that I had such peace afterward, but truthfully, I was bitter about it for a few days. Then I got over myself.

God said that He had something better for me. His best, in fact. I have no idea what that is and I'm still waiting on it, but I must trust what He says is true: that He will show Himself to me. He will guide me in the way to go. And as hard as it is for me to imagine, where he leads me will be leaps and bounds above the opportunity I passed up.

Gals, let's trust God no matter what He asks us to do knowing that in our obedience we are expressing our love to Him. What a small price to pay for what He did for us. He sacrificed His life for us; let's return the favor. Remarkably, when we do so, we are repaid with His love and intimate revelation. I'm thinkin' we're getting the good end of the deal. I'll take that deal any day!

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Snuggle Up

2008-09-07T21:03:00.005-05:00

Why is it a child can excuse himself from doing anything because he is "SOOO tired", but as soon as the bedtime routine begins, said child can transform into a human pinball? BING! BING! BING!

Every night as bedtime approaches, we follow pretty much the same schedule with Cooper in an attempt to get him geared down.

1. Shower
2. Brush Teeth
3. Read Books
4. Pray
5. "Jesus Loves Me"
6. Sleep

And, I swear, that child can be dragging himself into the bathroom claiming exhaustion, but as soon as the first drop of water hits the porcelain, he's a brand new man. Eyes aglow, appendages flailing and lips flapping. "I LOVE SHOWERS!!!!" Hmm. . .maybe the shower is counterproductive.

So I opted out of step 1 tonight trying to avoid the Tasmanian Devil Syndrome, but my strategy was to no avail. As Cooper shed his daily attire to change into his pjs, he discarded his fatigue with it. He was soon jumping on the bed half naked yelling something about lions and wrestling. Homeboy was on fire, though I did get him to listen somewhat quietly to his bedtime story about treasure hunting in some dead guy's tomb. Spiritual, I know.

After singing "Jesus Loves Me", which elicited a yawn, I left the room feeling confident that sleep would be arriving promptly. However, Cooper had different plans. . .doesn't he always?

8:30: Mom leaves room
8:32: Child comes out to go "peeps" (that's pee-pee for all you non-hip gals)
8:33: "Mommy, I just came out to pee and now I need to tell you I'm scared"
8:34: Mom prays for "scared" child and leaves room for the 2nd time
8:38: Mom commands child to stop talking to himself and go to sleep
8:45: Child yells a question from his room which becomes a 5-minute conversation
9:00: Child asks mommy to come lay with him because he "just wants to be with her"

You know, what are you going to do at this point, turn that down? So, I trekked into his room and reclined with my sweet angel. As I did he made sure to inform me that he would be having NO covers. He then tossed and turned for a couple of minutes, but then he rolled over and looked at me. He didn't say a word but he let me cover him up and he snuggled in and fell asleep in less than a minute. It seemed that all he needed for that restless half hour was my presence.

As I left his room (for the 3rd time), I thought how I am so much like him. I'm always having to get out of bed to go peeps. No, but really, I do find myself restless sometimes. I am tossing and turning and running and yelling trying to find some way to express my disquiet. I so easily forget that the peace and soul rest that I need is found in cuddling up to the Father and reclining in His arms.

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. . .He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart." Psalm 91:1,4

We live in a broken world overrun with sin and depravity. If we look around long enough we can worry ourselves to death. Just going through our day with all its pressures, conflicts, and struggles can get us worried about how we're ever going to make it. But, sister, God has gathered us up and covered us with his feathers. Like a mother hen, He has sheltered us from the outside elements. As much as we feel assaulted and overwhelmed, could you imagine what our lives would be like if we were not being protected by our all-powerful God? He is protecting you from anything that you cannot handle, that is not for your good, and that would not glorify Him.

Whatever you are presently being called to endure, find rest in the covering of the Father's mighty wings. Stop running. Stop trying to figure it out. Stop complaining. Stop doubting.

Just Stop.

He knows what He's doing. Trust Him; He's got you!

Now that you're still...(deep breath)...do you feel that? It's like the coziest down comforter, isn't it? Let the Father remind you that you are covered and that His presence is near. Now, rest, sister. Rest.

Father, thank you that you are safe and and that we are protected by you. Help us to remember in our daily struggles, no matter how big or small, that simple but peaceful truth. You have us covered. You care. You are for us. You will never leave us and you are ever for our good. We love you and are choosing to trust you today no matter what is going on around us. Amen.

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Who's Plan, Anyway?

2008-09-01T12:01:00.005-05:00

Howdy, girls! Happy Labor Day! Well, since Lou is home today, I took advantage of the extra set of hands and sent him out of the house with Cooper to give myself some time alone. In the quiet. With no one talking. Just me and my computer and Bible. In the quiet (oh, did I say that already?). And let me tell you, I love the stillness. No Transformer laser gun blasts, or "Mommy, can you get me that" or yelling from across the house. What's up with this, anyway? Why can't we just get our butts off the couch and walk the 10 feet to the other person? I mean, from one end of our house to the other is seriously no more than 15 steps. I know; I just did it. Anyway, I love my boys desperately, but sometimes I just need a little peace and quiet.

So, as I was relishing the sound of nothing, I thought this would be a perfect time for me to sit down and write you girls a little devo., but as I knelt to ask God what He wanted me to say, I felt Him telling me to get out to that pool and live it up with Lou and Coop. He also reminded me of something that I read this morning in He Speaks to Me by Priscilla Shirer:

"Ignoring what seems like an interruption ignores God's attempt to move me away from my plan for my day to His plan for my day...Sister, to continue with your plans without regarding life's interruptions is to ignore God's leading and voice."

I can look at this fun escape to the pool as an interruption to what I need to get done, or I can peer closer and see it for what it really is, God instructing me on His plan for my day. I simply must obey and leave the rest in His hands. And girls, I encourage you to do the same. When the next interruption comes like a wrecking ball to your plans, embrace it. Know that it is God guiding you along the path He has for you. Wouldn't you rather that path anyway, seeing that He's all-knowing and all?

So, I'm off. I'm thinking a cannonball sound like fun. Love you, girls!

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Stick Figures and Selfishness

2008-08-26T21:47:00.005-05:00

No, this is not one of Cooper's drawings. This is a piece of my journal "art". I've just recently picked up this new quirk from a friend of mine (thanks, Aimee); i've started putting some of my thoughts into pictures. I have, in the past, used charts and graphs as a way to organize my chaotic thought patterns, but upon reading my friend's journal (with her approval-we sometimes share our journals) I saw cute little sketches scattered about and I thought, Hey! Why didn't I think of that? I want to do pictures (whiney voice here)! So, here is one of my latest.

I'm not sure if you can even tell what it is. But this is a picture of where I stand in my family right now (top picture) and what I'm working towards (bottom picture). To the left are the words

My Needs
My Emotions
Me

Around those words are, no, not jump ropes. Those are arms. And to the right of both pictures are me (I'm the one with the beautiful head of ringlets) and my boys...Cooper and Lou. Now, if you can get by the elementary skill level of the piece, you'll notice a couple of things.

Top Picture: My needs are being embraced by me and both my boys are asking me to be with them.
Bottom Picture: My needs are being embraced by God and I'm embracing my family.

Here are the words that I wrote right before I sketched this masterpiece:

"If I could just get my focus off of myself and trust You to fulfill my needs. I've been so dependent on myself for so long--I just don't trust anyone else to care for me. But in taking care of me, I've got nothing left for anyone else! Such an inward focus--everyone else just gets my back."

God has been really speaking to me about living the sanctified life. About being different. About being a servant. It is so countercultural, and as you can tell from my sketches, so against everything in me, yet it is something that Jesus instructs us to do over and over.

"...Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave to all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." Mark 10:43-45

These verses are key to me. Yes, they tell us to serve others, even using the word "slave", but they also remind me of how I have been served. Jesus, the King of Kings, gave his life for me. His entire life was a service of love to His people. If that was His purpose and His ambition, who am I to think that I would be any different?

The problem is, I'm afraid that if I don't take care of myself then no one will. I don't trust. I don't let anyone in beyond a certain point. I am protective of myself. But I have found that in protecting myself, in serving me, I shut everyone else out. The people I love the most are left with an emotionally exhausted, frazzled, dismissive woman. I am so tired from taking care of my "stuff" that I have nothing left to give.

Anybody tracking with me? Anyone else out there just sick and tired of being all about themselves? I want so badly to be the woman in the second picture. I want to be confident that my God is taking care of everything that I need, and in that confidence to be freed up to lavish a service of love onto my family, friends, and community. It will be so; praise God. But I've got to learn to trust Him, don't I? Don't we? We have to trust Him with everything and depend on Him for everything.

I'll be honest; I don't think I know what that looks like quite yet. I'm still figuring it out. Right now it consists of revisiting some old, painful, hidden places and exposing them to Him. Letting Him behind the walls and learning how to let Him heal me. It also involves me stopping and turning to Him as a source of comfort when everything in me screams to turn inward and shut everyone out. It consists of me admitting to Him that I can't do it all, that nothing good lives in my flesh. And, presently, it means active surrender. Laying my plans, actions, thoughts and emotions on His altar of truth and love. Is He trustworthy? Will he take care of me, protect me, and lead me in the right direction? His word says he will. Listen to this....Oh, man. I tried to load the video of Coop saying Psalm 23, but I couldn't figure it out. Reading will have to do...just imagine an adorable, chubby-cheeked 4-yr-old reciting it.

Psalm 23

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

If I'm going to say I'm a Christian, I need to act like it. I need to believe God's word and His word says clearly that He is trustworthy to take care of me. We can trust Him, girls. Let's do whatever it takes to do so. And in releasing our needs to Him, we will find energy and love we never knew we had to serve those around us. No more selfishness.

Father God, this is by far one of the hardest things I've ever had to learn. But please, God, help us to get it. We don't want to be selfish anymore! Give us everything we need to learn to trust you to take care of us so that we can expend our energies on others. We love you, amen.

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Will Post

2008-08-24T23:58:00.002-05:00

Busy Day. Stay tuned; I will post either tonight or tomorrow. Love you girls!

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What are You Waiting On?

2008-08-17T20:48:00.006-05:00

Have you been as wrapped up in the Olympics as I have? Oh, there's nothing like watching the best athletes of the world compete for the #1 position in their personal sport. I love it!! My favorite event to watch thus far has been, of course, the Michael Phelps show. Can you believe that EVERY time he raced he won a gold medal? Unbelievable. But what I loved watching even more was Dara Torres. You might not know who she is, but her story is phenomenal. She is a 41-yr-old American swimmer who is competing in her 5th Olympics. She won 3 medals for our country this year, bringing her career medal count to 12! She's amazing. She's also a mother of a two-year old daughter who is anxiously awaiting her mommy's arrival home. When asked in an interview what she would tell her daughter someday about this Olympics Dara replied, "To never put an age limit on your dreams." Don't you love that?

A more obscure athlete that I saw only tonight was a 33-yr-old female gymnast from Germany. She competed in the individual vault competition and walked away with a silver medal hanging around her neck! Now, I'm only a couple of years older than she, but I can't picture in my wildest imaginings barreling down a runway, catapulting myself into the air and twisting myself into a pretzel before landing ever so delicately on the mat. What she has accomplished at such an advanced age is inspiring. I guess no one ever told her to put an age limit on her dreams either.

How about you? Have you been dreaming of something but have yet to see it come to fruition?

I know that as I battled with panic attacks and paralyzing fear for close to 10 years, I began to lose hope that I would ever gain the victory over them that I had been praying for. I began to think that there was no way that I would ever be free from this predator that seemed to chase me down wherever I went. I had simply been battling for too long. However, God, in His own timing crushed the head of the one who pursued me. And while He did so, He also taught me how to fight. If He would have just delivered me the first time I cried out, I would have no clue how to handle the next attack that came. I had to wait, yes. But what I got out of the wait was more valuable than a simple delivery from harm. I received my battle gear, the Art of War instruction manual, and the confidence in the power of my God.

Have you lost hope in the wait? Be encouraged, friend! Your God has not forgotten you or hung you out to dry, for He has promised that He will never leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5). Be assured that He is right there next to you accomplishing a great thing in you. It may be possible that He is teaching you to fight with Him instead of against Him. He may be teaching you patience, I don't know. But what I know beyond a shadow of a doubt is God is faithful to his people. He will not let you down. . .He will save you.

"Why are you downcast, Oh my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." Psalm 42:5

He IS your Savior.
He IS your God.

And He will come through. And sister, I promise you, what He has for you will be worth the wait.

Father, it is difficult to be patient when we are so uncomfortable. But, Lord, please help us to trust you while you accomplish great works in and around us, and help us to learn the lessons you are trying to teach us through it all. We love you, amen.

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Zany for Z-Straps

2008-08-10T21:17:00.006-05:00

Are you a part of the Z Strap craze? I myself knew nothing of it until Cooper informed me that he just had to have a pair, which he decided after spotting them on his cousin Tyler's feet. I ask you, how does a 4-year-old have shoe envy already? We are doomed! Anyway, when his grandparents heard of his "need" they promptly escorted us to the local mall so they could purchase Coop his very own pair. You should have seen him when he found out what we were doing. You would have thought I fed him sugar cubes for breakfast. He was either running, jumping, or screaming the entire morning.

As we arrived at the shoe department of JC Penney's, he made a bee line to the Sketchers and found himself the perfect pair of z-straps. They were black. And had lights. Ugh! Thank God they didn't have a pair that fit him. After trying on a few more models, we found a pair on which we could all agree and that had nary a light. Thank You, Jesus. He, of course, insisted on donning his new kicks out of the store, and I had to admit, they were good lookin'. Coop can make just about anything look cute but that's beside the point. Here's the pair we decided on.

They don't look like they have super powers, do they? I know. . .I thought they appeared common myself, but according to Cooper, they harness all of the power in the universe and make him stronger, quicker, and a much better jumper. Magic shoes (That was my Forest Gump voice again. Italics equals Forest.) In between time trials from one store to the next to clock his increased speed, he would look up at me and say, "Mommy! Look how high I can jump!" He firmly believes that when he slips his cute little feet into those shoes he is more powerful than when he is sporting commonplace sandals. For him, it's simple. The advertisements say these shoes make him more powerful, so it must be so (brilliant super hero marketing, by the way).

Wouldn't it be something if we believed God's truths so simply and thoroughly? What if we actually took Him at his word and acted on it? It's easy to say we believe Him, but our actions prove what we really embrace as truth.

What has God been telling you? I'll share mine with you just to get your brain juices flowing. I have been battling with God over whether or not to have another child. We had settled on stopping after Cooper and had peace about it, but recently I have been plagued by questions like, "What if I heard God wrong?", "Will he be lonely?", "Are we depriving him?", and "Will he be okay?" I just couldn't get it through my thick skull that having only one child, though uncommon, is just fine if it's what God has ordained. After driving myself mad with questions of the unknown, I had to decide. Either I was going to believe God on this or not. I could either take Him at His word and trust Him enough to walk it out, or question Him and take it into my own hands. And we all know how that usually turns out.

So, I'll ask it again. What has God been telling you?

That you are scandalously loved despite your failings?

That you CAN get through this tough time if you stick with Him?

That your marriage IS salvageable and can be turned into a loving relationship?

That your prayers are heard and important?

That you can be victorious?

What if you acted on those truths? How would your life look different? I've decided to trust God on this only child thing and see all the wonderful things He has planned through it. Why don't you give it a shot, too? Trust Him, smash through those fears, and walk it out. You just might discover you have magic shoes, too!

Father God, help us to believe you. Help us to hear clearly what you are saying to us and enable us to believe you enough to act on it. We love you, amen.

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A Friend's a Friend Forever. . .

2008-08-03T22:20:00.013-05:00

This is my friend from Malaysia, Paige, and one of her little ones. No, obviously, she doesn't hail from the small country on the opposite side of the world, but she does currently reside there with her family. How exciting, huh? To live in a magical land where the trees are home to meddlesome monkeys instead of scurrying squirrels. Where a nearby town houses a chocolate fountain that you could shower in (my husband's dream by the way) and having a driver to escort you about town is commonplace. Paige and her family have opted out of the daily chauffeur, but they do partake in most things Malaysian. She has taken in sights and holiday celebrations galore and is even indulging in the local cuisine. She's a wonderful cook and I'm fairly sure she will return with decadent Asian recipes when her time in the tropics is complete. I can't wait! I'm so excited for her and all of the adventures she is embarking upon, but still. . .I miss her terribly.

You see, Paige and I used to lead Young Life together. We had the honor of telling high school girls about the Lover of their souls. And we got to do it together. We had our kids 6 months apart and they became the best of friends. Don't tell anyone, but I actually envisioned what our lives would look like when her daughter and my son got married and Paige actually became part of my family. We would be loud and somewhat embarrassing, by the way. We ate together often and swapped stories of crazy children and even crazier husbands. We shared food, family, and faith. In short, we shared life. And it's something I've missed since she left a year ago.

So, I was ecstatic when I learned Paige and her fam would be "in the States" for 6 weeks (how cool to be able to use that term). I determined to spend as much time with them as possible, so I made the trek down to Houston this weekend. And let me tell you how good God is. . .it's as if a year had not even passed! I decided not to ask her a lot about Malaysia because I figured she had spent 5 weeks telling the same stories over and over again. So, we just started chatting about what was on our minds and where our hearts were. It was such a sweet time. Not only did we have "girl talk" and have playtime with our kids, but we also shared a meal with some old Young Life girls. It was a return to the last place we had been together. Yes, time had passed. Our YL girls had graduated from college, our little ones were a couple of inches taller, and there were details about her new daily life that I knew nothing about. But here we were, sharing life again. We didn't miss a beat. It was rich.

I think this is what a true friend is. A person who is excited to see you and share life with you even when it's been a while since you've done so. One that knows you so well that you don't have to bother with "catching up" but can move right on to heart matters. A friend who loves you despite the distance.

You know, God is that kind of God.

In the story of the prodigal son, a wayward boy returns shamefully home expecting the rebuke of his father.

"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him." Luke 15:20

Friend, have you strayed away from God? Have you created a distance between the two of you that seems so far that there is no way back? Return to Him! He is searching the horizon waiting for just a glance of your distant silouette.

Are you afraid of a harsh rebuke or an unkind word upon your arrival? Check this out:

"Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the LORD your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity." Joel 2:13

Sister, we have a God who in His overflowing love and compassion is waiting to close the distance. He's not ready to pounce but to embrace. And in returning to Him, in approaching Him in prayer, we'll have no need to catch up, for He knows us better than we know ourselves. We need only to share our lives with Him. Yes, there may be some repenting and apologizing to do, but forgiveness awaits. Go. Return. A friendship like no other is ready to be rekindled. Never really had a friendship with God? Light the fire, baby! This friendship is a true friendship no matter the present physical distance.

Father God, thank you for your patience with us and our rebellion. We are so thankful that you are slow to anger and that you abound in love. Give us the courage to come back to a place of intimacy with you and to find Your peace. Thank you for your unfathomable love. Amen.

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Returning This Week

2008-07-14T11:55:00.003-05:00

Okay, all. I think we've all discovered that if I don't give myself a designated day to post, then I simply won't post at all. So, I'm going to establish one. I will be posting every Monday that I'm in town. There, I said it; now I must do it. This will allow you to simply check on Mondays alone and if there isn't a new post then that means I'm out of town and won't be posting until the following Monday. That being said, today is Monday and I don't have the time to commit to a full devotional. However, I will post within the next couple of days. Then, I will be out of town for Young Life camp in Colorado (YEA, BABY!) for about a week. Then, watch out! I should be back on the horse supplying you with a fresh word every week. Thank you so much for being patient with my schedule and lack of discipline. Life should be back to "normal" in August, which will free me up to have a more consistent writing time. Thanks, all! I love you dearly!

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The Anger Bank

2008-06-18T11:19:00.005-05:00

Up until very recently, I HATED going to the bank. Probably because it usually included us having to deal with some insufficient fund issue or problem with our account. It also reminded me just how desperately inept we were at handling our finances. However, two months ago we started attending Dave Ramsey classes. If you are looking for a way to get rid of debt, save for your future and kids' college, and get to a place where you're giving money away, this is the way to go! I actually have peace in this area like I've never had before and much of it has to do with the "envelope system" he suggests. At the beginning of the month, we pull out cash to pay for gas, groceries, toiletries, and the like and put them in designated envelopes. You only buy these things with this money. When the cash runs out, you don't eat or drive your car. Actually seeing your money being spent helps you spend less. It hurts much more when it's cash! We actually have enough money to last the entire month instead of running out halfway through. Anyway, now I LOVE going to the bank. Not only are we more financially stable, but I get to go and pull out a wad of cash! So much fun!

Well, y'all (yes, I'm from Texas and I will use that word even if it is not grammatically refined) have heard me mention time and again my tendency to be quick to anger. It's something that I've dealt with for a long time and have wondered where it all comes from. Well, Brenda (my counselor) has informed me that I possess an "anger bank". Funny that someone who used to hate visiting such a place would be lugging one around every day. It seems that many hurtful things were deposited into the vault as rejection or hurt but were withdrawn as anger. Did you know that anger is a secondary emotion? It develops from a hurt of some sort. Interesting. I just thought I was angry; I didn't know I was hurt.

So, now the task is to "drain the bank". Ugh! And if anger is not the real culprit, you know what is--the hurt. She has told me that we have to go in and "lance the wound". Drain the wound, drain the anger bank. We are presently embarking on that journey. It includes a lot of delving into my past, drudging up old pains, and digging into my true feelings about them. Amazingly, as hard as it has been at some points, I am experiencing God like I never have before. I'm actually hearing Him in my times with Him and He has opened my eyes to His movement in my life. I was so blinded for such a long time and now I am seeing for the first time that He is truly a God of love. For reasons I might divulge at a later time, I just couldn't believe that. I thought he was big, scary, selfish, and out to hurt me. And when hurtful events came to pass in my life, they fed that view and made it more believable. But, HALLELUJAH, He is shattering that warped picture of Himself.

I ran from counseling for a long time. My excuses were valid: we didn't have the money, or I was too busy with work and Cooper to invest the time. But, in taking this step that God led me to, He is proving faithful. It was a big step, and has taken some sacrifice, but I was just desperate enough. I finally arrived at a place where I was sick of living in defeat and letting Satan gain the victory over me. ENOUGH!I yelled within myself.

Ladies, are you there yet? Are you desperate for victory in a place you've struggled for years? Have you given up anywhere in your life? Has it just been too lengthy of a battle for you to really believe that you could conquer it? If you hear nothing else, here this:

It is your God's will for you to live in victorious freedom!

"No, in all things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." Romans 8:37

Nope, don't just quickly read over that and move on. Go back and read it again. More Than Conquerors! You are meant to triumph over your stuff (that's what I call it because the word "crap" doesn't seem appropriate for a devotional). Do you remember the woman who bled for 12 straight years? Do you think she was desperate--at a place where she had just about given up? Maybe she went to Jesus as her last resort, but she did go. She turned to the only one who could heal her fully, and that very thing He did. I love the way The Message says it.

"Then [Jesus] reassured her: "Courage, daughter. You took a risk of faith, and now you're well." The woman was well from then on."

A risk of faith. It is a risk isn't it? You're turning to Jesus to heal you; what happens if He doesn't come through? I have often feared that very thing. But I'm coming to see that He will heal, sister. He will. It may look a little different than we would have thought, but He will come through. And really, do you have another choice? It's turn to your Healer or stay where you're at. You can do this! Listen to a portion of my favorite hymn (I think it's a hymn. It is in my mind, anyway). My favorite version is by FFH. As the song progresses it almost explodes at the point in the lyrics below. The emphasis is mine.

In Christ Alone
There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.

That same Christ who conquered death is living in you ready to conquer your past failings and present struggles. Turn to Him; trust Him. He will not fail you. I'll sum up with this final verse:

"He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all--how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?" Romans 8:32

God sent His Son to die for us; it was an investment in our lives of the deepest kind. Will He now just leave us to our own devices? Only if we don't let Him in. He wants in; open the door. Yes, it is difficult to expose the dark places to Him. But I've found that there is such comfort in it. He doesn't condemn; He heals. And isn't that what we're after? Deep to the core healing? Invite Him into the broken places so He can make you whole.

Thanks for listening. I love sharing the adventure of Christ with you. I love you.

Jesus, give us the courage to forge into the dark places with You. Thanks that You are faithful to forgive and heal. Draw us under Your protective wings as we become vulnerable. We love you. Amen.

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New article up on Ungrind.org. If you're interested in reading it, click here.

Vacation, Baby!

2008-05-20T10:32:00.015-05:00

Well, girls, my husband is on sabbatical. . .6 weeks paid vacation! I think it will be a wonderful time for us both to find refreshment and renewal before we begin a new school year with our Young Life kids. Today we are leaving to go on a little "week-ette", as Lou calls it, by ourselves and then we will be in and out of town until June 8th. So, I probably will not be posting again until then. But, I'll catch you up when I return.

If you're new to Walls Down. . .WELCOME! We've just begun a journey down a new road here. You can read about it below at "Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes". Until I return, feel free to explore past entries. If you're looking for a particular topic, they're listed at the right.

Thank you, gals, for letting me serve you in this small way. Have a great couple of weeks and I'll talk at ya' soon! I love you.

New article up if you're interested..."The Patient Partner"

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes

2008-05-06T21:03:00.008-05:00

"Mommy, what's the name of that girl who is learning you to be happy?" Me-"Ms. Brenda." "Oh, okay. God, thank you for Ms. Brenda to help mommy to not be mean to Daddy because he is nice. Thank you. Amen."

This was my 4-year-old son's prayer tonight, his hand resting on my face. He was sincerely praying for me. As proud as that makes me, the sentiments of his pleadings were a stinging slap to the face. Nevertheless, he expressed the exact reason I'm now visiting my new "teacher" Brenda. She is a counselor.

As I've journeyed down the road with Jesus--listening to sermons, attending Bible study upon Bible study, leading Bible lessons for high school girls, mentoring a couple of them along the way--I've heard over and over again about the fullness of life in Christ. The fullness of joy and peace as a believer that is our right and inheritance. It has excited me and driven me to plod ahead in my faith. However, to be completely honest with you, I have not been able to live consistently in that abundant life. It has been an elusive promise that I lay hold of but see slip out of my fingers often. I'm not able to abide there permanently. The joy that I've found in Jesus has been real, but also fleeting. So frustrating and discouraging.

One of the biggest manifestations of that discouragement is anger. For years now I've been an angry, irritable gal. In college and my early 20's it was okay because those types of girls were looked upon as strong and independent in my circles. But, as I turned my life over to Jesus in my late 20's, I started to become aware of just how ugly the anger was. It didn't really become a big deal until I met Lou and we got married. Poor thing has been dealing with grumpy girl ever since. I have spent the last 7 years struggling with my tendency to be critical, sarcastic, and rude. Yes, I have good days when I'm as happy as a goat in a pile of tin cans. But, those days have become more the exception than the rule.

I know that God has called me to stand up for my family and begin to break the generational sins that have plagued us for years, but this one has proved to be too big for me. There is an underlying something or other fueling the anger and sadness and I've decided to stop running and face it. I have to or I will pass this discontent and anger along to my sweet Cooper to pass along to his kids. The cycle will continue until one of us has the courage to stand up, take God at His word, and fight this thing through until we find freedom. For Cooper's sake, I'm doing it. I'm scared, but I'm doing it.

I know this isn't a feel good post with beautiful analogies and flowery language. But my heart is to cut the fancies and get gut-level honest with you. I want to share this journey with you. I want you to know that, if you're like me, YOU'RE NOT ALONE! Of course, I'm not going to go into every detail (a girl and her fam need a little privacy), but I do want to share any lessons I learn along the way. So know that I will probably be posting a lot about courage, victory, fighting, trusting, etc. And don't worry; it's not my goal to be a weekly downer. I will fight to keep my humor.

I will be visiting with Brenda every Thursday for what sounds like a long time. Evidently, I've got some intense work to do. Fun! Fun! So, I will not be posting on Tuesdays anymore; I'll be moving to the weekends, probably Fridays or Saturdays. I'm trying to be easier on myself, so it may even be on a Sunday or Monday, but I will get it done. This is not only a vessel for me to process what I'm learning, but it is a way for me to serve you through it. To draw alongside you in your pain or trial and to be transparent enough that you might draw comfort from being able to say, "I'm not the only one who thinks like that?" or "I've done that too!"

Ladies, please know that you are not alone in any struggle that you have.

"What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun." Ecc. 1:9

What we are presently going through has been experienced, fought through, and conquered in the name of Jesus before. Let's have the courage to stand up and fight for the abundant life that Jesus promises us. He's not a liar...if He says it's what we're meant to have, let's break through whatever is in our way until we lay hold of it! If you're running from it--stop. Look it in the face and start to process through it. And if you need to seek help. . .don't be ashamed!

"Get wisdom, get understanding; do not forget my words or swerve from them." Prov. 4:5

Seek out the wisdom of a Christian counselor if you need to. There is NO shame in that; just make sure she or he is someone who will lead you to Christ because He is the source of true wisdom.

Let's really do this thing, girls! Let's seek after the victory that we're promised. God will prove faithful.

"I will walk about in victory, for I have sought his precepts." Psalm 119:45

BELIEVE IT! I'll see you next week for our first "session". Love you!

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A Child's Eyes

2008-04-29T20:24:00.008-05:00

Crazy day. Today I substituted in a class of 17 first-graders. Now, if any of you know me at all, you know that I am completely built to interact with high schoolers, so to sub 7-year-olds is a stretch in itself. But, try taking said 7-year-olds on a field trip.

With 75 other first-graders.

To a farm filled with about 300 other school children.

Now think back to when you were in school and you had a substitute. Uh-huh. Exactly. I see that smile you're getting on you face as you're remembering that your reaction was something along the lines of, "Yes! A sub! We can do whatever we want!" I can't believe they're already this way in 1st grade, but that's beside the point.

Anyway, after much threatening in the classroom about following classroom rules even though I wasn't their "real" teacher, we all bounded onto the bus. And remarkably, with a few exceptions, I didn't have much problem with them all day. Although, wow, are they loud! As much as my ears were ringing from the shrill shrieking of the girls and boys around me, I forced myself to look at their faces and listen in on their conversations. And what I witnessed not only made me laugh, but also brought me a little joy. As we were passing under an overpass on the way to the farm, the little boy in front of me said in a wondrous tone, "Wow! Look at those birds!" You know what kind of birds they were? Pigeons! Flying rats! But he didn't know that. . .he just saw their tinted feathers and supernatural ability to fly.

Here were a few other cute things I heard throughout the day:

"Look! Look! Look! There's my brother's school!"
"Oooh! Ice cream!"
"That's the biggest horse I've ever seen!" (He was huge!)
And my favorite..."Hey! Cool! A Super Target!"

As I listened to the excitement in their voices and saw the awe in their eyes at the sight of such everyday happenings, I started thinking about myself. Doesn't it always come back to me? I wonder if that's a bad thing. Anyway, I asked myself if what Jesus has done and continues to do in my life elicits from me the same type of responses these children were giving. Am I genuinely awed when God moves in my life? Or have I become so used to Him acting on my behalf that I have become jaded?

Over and over again in Scripture, people who encountered the Lord were shocked and amazed by Him and His doings. When Jesus healed a paralytic, the crowd was "filled with awe; and they praised God" (Matt. 9:8). When He raised a widow's son from the dead they were again filled with awe, resulting in praise (Luke 7:16). And because of this more people came to know Jesus.

Are we awed anymore? Are we praising? Are people wanting to know more about Jesus because of our excitement over Him?

Now, I know that most of us will not dance half-naked in the streets rejoicing in God like David did (2 Samuel 6), but it wouldn't hurt to belt out a couple of his psalms, would it?

Girls, let's ask God to open up our eyes and amaze us again. Are you longing for a little bit more passion and excitement in your life? I know I am. And if my zeal brings others to the foot of Jesus, well, hallelujah!

Father, we confess that as we walk farther down the narrow path with you, we start getting used to your everyday miracles. We now ask that you would renew a right spirit in us. One that sees how awesome you are and yet how tender. Amaze us and help us to respond with songs of joy and thankfulness. We love you, amen.

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My Plate Overfloweth

2008-04-22T20:51:00.003-05:00

Hey, faithful friends. Well, this week I've got a pretty full plate, and as par for me, I'm running behind. So, I will not be posting this week. But if you're in the mood to read some sort of something, check out one of my old posts. If you think about me at all this week, could you throw up a prayer? I've got a couple of deadlines to meet and I'm feelin' the pressure! Thanks, gals. Talk to you next week! I love you tons.

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Eat Your Veggies!

2008-04-15T21:40:00.005-05:00

My son almost threw up in his plate tonight. Let me tell you, it does wonders for a novice cook's self-esteem. I think we can all admit in this family that cooking is not my strong suit; in fact, I don't even think I own this suit. What I own is a cheap knockoff you may find on Harwin in Houston. Anyway, I'm on a new kick lately. I've decided (notice it's "I" and not "we") that we need to be living a healthier lifestyle as a family. I'm trying to teach Cooper habits that are "good for our bodies". So far, we've only addressed our food and media consumption; we'll get to the exercise later. Why exercise now when you can do it later? I always say! We're limiting our t.v./computer/electronic times because it's "not good for" our family to be engrossed in activities that stifle communication. Amazingly, Cooper is on board with this most of the time. When I explained that Mommy won't be spending so much time on the computer either, he was much more willing to give up some of his Leapster time. However, this tactic did not work so well tonight as I was trying to re-introduce broccoli to my sweet angel.

"Okay. . .let's all eat a bite of broccoli together! Yey! This is going to be so fun! Ready? Go!" You would think I asked the boy to eat a handful of dirt. He was not fooled; he knew exactly what he was getting himself into. He quickly refused the bite and stated emphatically, "I will NEVER eat vegetables!" Lou then decided that he would "help" him out by feeding him the minute bite of greens himself. Wow. . .not a good idea. This is when we almost saw Cooper's chicken and potatoes for a second time. At first, I thought, "He must really not like broccoli. I cannot believe it made him gag!" But as Lou sent Coop to the Time Out Chair, he informed me that the morsel had not even made it into Coop's mouth. He had immediately stuck out his tongue and pretty much gagged himself at the mere thought of consuming something green. He had not even had a chance to taste it! Adamantly against broccoli. Note taken.

You know, maybe if Cooper would have just given it a chance, he might have seen that this particular vegetable was not bad. Maybe he would have even liked it.

Aren't we like a 3-yr-old refusing our veggies sometimes? God is calling on us to experience his goodness; I mean, really experience it by making our relationship with Him personal and real. Yet, we fail to do so.

"Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him." Psalm 34:8

Just as veggies are essential for the nourishment of our bodies, the LORD is vital to our emotional and spiritual health. Simply put, He is good for us. However, we continue to starve ourselves of the health He provides. Sometimes we're not even giving Him a chance to satiate us at all. We're figuratively sticking out our tongue before the veggie is making it in the mouth. Maybe you're just too busy to spend time with Him every day. Maybe, like me, you choose to do other things (like sleep) instead of getting up to do your quiet time. Possibly, you know that you need to go deeper with Him, explore Him a bit more, but you're simply refusing to do it. But all we're doing when we do this is weakening ourselves. God promises to give us everything we need for life and godliness (2 Pet. 1:3); are we taking Him up on the offer?

Ladies, let's get on a steady diet of Diety. Just like our bodies get rundown quickly with no vitamins and minerals, our souls do the same without God. He is our source for everything we could ever need. Let's take Him at His word and taste and see that He is good.

Father, thank you that you are everything we need for full living. We are sorry for our spiritual laziness; help us to exert the extra effort to get daily nourishment from the Bread of Life. We love you, Amen.

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Storm Safety

2008-04-08T21:38:00.005-05:00

Texas Weather. It's a fickle and unpredictable thing. This morning as I woke up and started getting Cooper dressed for school, I checked the weather online to ensure he would be clothed appropriately. Eighties and sunny. Yes! We threw on the khaki shorts and t-shirt, quickly brushed his teeth, and headed out the door, excited about a day filled with sunshine. However, as we stepped out we were confronted with gray, ominous clouds and slight rumblings in the not-so-distance. Bummer. A short time later, a sudden, fierce rainstorm descended, bringing with it deafening ground strikes of lightning and big ol' fat rain (Forest Gump voice). Upon arriving home, I sat in front of my sliding glass doors watching the downfall. Then, faintly, I heard a strange clink-clinking sound. Hail! Little balls of ice were rolling all over my balcony! (Don't you know I thought about starting one of my fires?) Anyway, not 2 minutes later, it had all totally ceased. Then. . .blue skies. It all lasted no longer than 10 minutes. From chaotic darkness to tranquil light in less time than it takes to cook a pizza. Bizarre.

Isn't our life like my morning sometimes? We're going along expecting a sunny day just like the one before it and WHAM! Life hits us upside the head and sends us reeling. It can be scary. As I was driving home from Coop's school watching the clouds quickly roll in, I became increasingly more anxious because the thunder was becoming louder and the lightning brighter and closer. So, I ran home, where I jogged up the stairs into the safety of our condo and closed the door securely behind me. Shelter.

I'm comforted to know that when life sneaks up on me and knocks me off kilter, God is not caught off-guard.

"Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight." Hebrews 4:13

"All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:16

God is not sitting staring over the portals of Heaven in anxiety fretting about what is going to happen next. All of our days have already been recorded. He knows. And, amazingly, He cares and promises to lend protection and help.

"For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling" Psalm 27:5

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

We will have days that sneak up on us and shake our very foundation, but God's mighty hand will uphold it and steady us. We need to run up the stairs of Heaven and find safety in His dwelling. It's from this place of security that we can watch the downpour without getting drenched by it. As we seek the Comforter for strength and peace, the cacophony fades. Yes, it's still raining; it may even be beginning to hail, but behind the closed doors of our Fortress, it's quiet. However, finding this stillness depends on us. Will we stand out in the storm wondering why it's raining and how in the world it is ever going to stop or are we going to make a quick dash into shelter? He is our calm in the storm. And before you know it. . .blue skies.

Father, thank you that nothing takes you by surprise. We just praise you for having it all under control and working everything out for our good. Help us to trust that. We love you, Amen.

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Stop, Prop, and Behold

2008-04-01T21:14:00.009-05:00

First off, thank you to any of you who took time to pray for me last week. I'm having a much better week and I know it is because of the prayers of my friends and family. Thank you so, so much.

Well, I took a two hour nap yesterday. I even had the fire going and my feet propped up to feel the warmth crawling from the flames. You might be thinking, "A fire? In April?" Yea, that's right. I don't care if it's 65 degrees and sunny outside; there's just something soothing about dim lighting and fire crackling. So what if I had to close the blinds and turn the fan on high?

I don't normally take time out of my busy days to simply sleep. It makes me feel lazy. I always think of all of my friends who are working, especially my mom and sister who have very demanding jobs. Consequently, instead of feeling blessed to be able to rest, I feel guilty for doing so. I can think of a million things I need to do, like clean this house. You should see it. . .I'm actually watching a ball of cat fur blow across the hard woods right now. Gross.

However, obtaining much needed rest is not lazy, nor is it a sin. In fact, God instructs us to take off not only hours, but days.

"For six days, work is to be done, but the seventh day is a Sabbath of rest, holy to the LORD." Ex. 31:15a

Did you notice what you have to stop doing on the Sabbath? Yea. Working. In order to experience the rest God is instructing us to receive, we must cease laboring. Is this difficult for anyone else but me? Wait, let me rephrase that since it really isn't difficult for me to not work. Does anyone else feel guilty when you're not doing something? In our success-driven society, being idle is not looked upon favorably. How many of you work in an environment where long hours are not only encouraged but rewarded? The people who seem to get ahead are the employees who's lives are consumed by their careers. However, these workers are the same people who are worn-out, stressed-out and very often, down-and-out. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually. Remember Mary and Martha? Martha's doing earned her irritability, dis-ease and a general grouchiness. She also nearly missed spending time with Jesus because she thought she had so much to do. Sound familiar? I know. . .ouch. Me too.

If we will simply take some time away from the rat race that surrounds us, we will find restoration for our minds, bodies and spirits. Like it or not, this fast and furious life we're living takes its toll on us, and we must take deliberate steps to refuel. But, a nap by a fire won't cure us completely.

"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him." Psalm 62:1

Physical rest restores the body, but that mental fatigue we experience can only be remedied by the very presence of God. So many times when I'm feeling spread thin and overwhelmed, my first instinct is to either hop in a hot, bubbly tub or pop in the latest romantic comedy. As great as those escapes can be, they are just that: temporary escapes. I emerge from them feeling only slightly better; my fatigue or stress inevitably returns. God tells us to come to Him when we are weary and burdened and He will give us rest (Matt. 11.28). And that rest, deep-to-the-core rest, can only come from Him. It really is that simple: Come. Find rest.

Girls, let's identify our mental fatigue as what it truly is: a need to be restored by our God. Let's close out the world and prop up our feet by the All Consuming Fire. Let Him warm your soul and light a fresh flame in you.

Father, thank you that in simply being with you, we find rest and restoration. Prompt us to stop and take you in and help us to be obedient to that prompting. Again, thank you for your personal attention to us. We are grateful. Amen.

Discussion/Processing Questions:

1. When feeling overwhelmed, what activity or person do you turn to instead of God?
2. If you looked at your schedule, are you happy with how you are spending your time?

Thanks for listening!

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Sink or Stand

2008-03-25T23:11:00.005-05:00

Well, girls, I don’t know what else to tell you but that I’ve been struggling this past week. I think it has everything to do with getting out of my routine and putting my time with the LORD on the back burner. Mary Beth…funny that you highlighted this tendency in your comment last week and then I ended up stumbling into that exact trap! Ugh…I’m so dense sometimes it’s a miracle that God doesn’t just throw up His holy hands in exasperation. Anyway, I’ve come to learn that I have to spend regular time with God in order to feel “right”. Yea, I can go a day or two and be okay, but beyond that, if I pay close enough attention, I can see my attitude start taking a downward turn. Unfortunately, I don’t normally heed the warnings and soon I find myself exactly where I found myself this morning, downcast and discouraged. Cranky. Thank God I had enough sense to sit down and talk out some stuff with Him, but, hello! Why did it have to go that far? Geez. . .rebel girl.

I was talking about all of this with my friend, Aimee, last night and her response was poignant, of course. It always is. Thanks, Aims.

“Relationships take work, and you’re in one with Jesus,” she said.

Of course! Just like my attitude with my husband Lou goes south, I mean WAY south, when we’re not connecting, my outlook on Jesus does the same. Poor Lou; he puts up with so much. When we haven’t cut out quality time, for some reason, I begin noticing more of his negative qualities than his positive. In fact, I think I even turn his pro’s into con’s! And I noticed myself doing that exact thing with God. Truths I previously had no trouble accepting started looking questionable. I began to only see the problems instead of the wonderful successes God turned them into. I had taken my eyes off of God and focused them on the world. What happens when we do that? Take a look:

“During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake…Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, ‘Lord, save me!’ Immediately, Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. ‘You of little faith,’ he said, ‘why did you doubt?’ and when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down.” Matthew 14:25-32

Peter was doing just fine while his eyes were on the Prize, namely Jesus, but as soon as he started looking at what was around him, he began to sink. When we choose to gaze upon the world alone, without balancing it with the presence of God, we begin to sink. It looks different for everybody. For me, it’s crabby girl. Sometimes it even manifests as fear. Maybe for you it’s feeling sad, exhausted, chaotic or easily overwhelmed. Possibly, you start pulling away from people and into yourself. Maybe it’s a longing in you that just doesn’t seem to be getting completely filled. Whatever it is, the answer is in the person of Jesus. Did you notice that as soon as Peter grabbed Jesus’ hand and climbed into the boat, the wind died down? Within the grasp of Jesus, suddenly the world was safer.

It’s easy to get off course; this world is harsh sometimes. It brings with it many obstacles. But if we’re attempting to navigate it on our own, we’re set to sink. Take His hand, daily, and keep yourself afloat.

Lord, thank you that simply being in your presence brings peace. Help us to be intentional about pursuing you and continue to teach us how to have a real relationship with you. We love you, Amen.

Just a couple of discussion questions:

1. What is your warning sign that you are beginning to sink?
2. What’s keeping you from spending quality time with God?

I love you, girls. Thanks for listening.

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Pass the Passion, Please

2008-03-17T19:44:00.007-05:00

Yesterday I read a heartbreaking story of a woman named Amy, who, as a child, experienced significant emotional trauma. Not knowing how to effectively overcome her pain, she carried it into her adult life. After years of seeking out every source of help she could think of, she could find no peace. She shrank into a lonely, reclusive life and fell victim to her pain. One afternoon, she was found in her house, alone, having purposefully drunk herself to death.

A devastating story. But what was even more upsetting to me was that Amy had sought out the church. She had reached out to Christians for help, and there was no one who could effectively communicate the very real freedom and peace we have in Jesus. Maybe she was simply not in a place mentally to be able to receive it, but what if that wasn't the case? What if the people she reached out to just didn't have the answers? What if she could tell that the words of freedom spoken to her were just that: words? Have you ever been in her shoes? Perhaps you've had a very real problem and the advice you received was biblical, but the presenter had no passion behind it. Platitudes. Warm Fuzzies. This has happened to me many times, and I found myself thinking, "Does she really even believe that or is it just something she's been taught?" Unfortunately, it made it hard for me to believe the words. I'm also sad to say that I have been the passionless platitude speaker myself. I don't think we do it maliciously. I think we want to believe the promises of freedom, peace, and joy that we've been given, but we sometimes fall short.

I remember when I first started attending Beth Moore's classes in Houston. This woman taught with a fiery passion and sense of urgency that I had never seen. I could tell she believed what she was saying with everything in her. I've since realized this was one of the reasons I was so attracted to her teaching. It was real. She had been in the pit and watched her Father pull her out of the mire and place her high upon a rock. She gave me hope that if God did it for her, He would do it for me. Was there someone like Beth in Amy's life? I don't know. But here's what I do know: I want to be that person for the hurting souls in my life. I want to be so passionate about the freedom God has given me that the women around me would dare to believe that God would accomplish great wonders in them, too! I'm not claiming to have attained all that God wants to do in me, but He has done miracles. And it is my responsibility to share them. I want to be "a voice of one calling in the desert, 'prepare the way for the Lord"! (Luke 3:4) I want to be the one telling the Amy's of this world that there is a hope and His name is Jesus Christ. There is liberty in no other!

While Jesus was on this earth, He met a woman at a well and showed Himself to be God to her. She responded to this encounter by telling the people in her town about this Jesus. In fact, she was so excited that she left her water jar behind when she left! Here's the cool part:

"Many of the Samaritans from that town believed in [Jesus] because of the woman's testimony." (John 4:39)

Amazing! This one woman changed an entire city with her passion. Because of her zeal for the Lord, the people around her were attracted to Him and He saved them. Don't you long for your testimony to do the same?

Ladies, we must stop settling for mediocrity. Our God is a powerful God who performs mighty wonders in us. Let's start acting like it! The Amy's in your midst will thank you, and you just might save a life.

Father, you have done tremendous works in us, but sometimes, we don't see them. Open our eyes to the wonders you've performed and may we be awestruck! Turn our complacency into passion. A passion that can't be contained, that bursts forth from grateful lips. We love you. Amen.

I'm including a few discussion questions for those of you who would like to participate. I'll be checking and responding soon. And you all feel free to respond to one another. Love you all.

1. How am I pursuing freedom?
2. Do I believe what I say I believe, and if not, what am I doing to remedy that?
3. Looking at where I am now and where I have been, what has God done in me?
4. Am I excited about what He's done, or am I complacent?
5. Do I need to ask God to light a fire of passion in me?
6. Who is it in my circle of people that needs to see the passion of a life lived in freedom?

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Oh, the Humility!

2008-03-11T22:53:00.002-05:00

Hey, gals. I was just doing a little thinking...I like to do that, ya' know. And I thought I would just throw something out there. Idea: tell me what you think. I'm thinking about shakin' things up a bit. Mondays: I post a Bible passage for all of us to read. Tuesdays: I share my thoughts on it (much like the posts you've been reading). But, I would also include a couple of discussion questions for you to comment on. That way, we could create a community of "cyber-friends" and support/ encourage one another. Besides, sometimes I get tired of hearing myself talk. I'd like to hear what y'all have to say. We could have a trial run for a few weeks and re-assess after that. Okay...be honest (you know how I feel about being honest) and tell me what you think. Go ahead...go make a comment...I'm not going on until you do. Go!

Okay, now that you've put in your two cents, let's move on to Mary, Jesus' mom. I've just started doing some one-on-one discipleship with a couple of our high school girls, and we are going over women in the Bible. And who better to start with than Mary? I figure she's pretty important, being the mother of the Messiah and all. And let me tell you, watching her life lived out on the pages of scripture not only intrigued me; it convicted and challenged me. She was an incredibly humble woman who trusted her God completely, no matter in what circumstances she found herself.

Trust and Humility.

Two characteristics I continually have to battle for. They aren't natural are they? And I don't think they were necessarily easy for Mary either. You may remember that she was visited by an angel who informed her that she would soon be pregnant with "the Son of the Lord Most High". Her response wasn't, "Oh, I should have expected as much; I am such a holy and blameless woman." My guess is we wouldn't be studying her right now if it would have been! Anyway, after a moment of fear (comforting to know she was human and felt anxieties, too), Mary asked for some clarification since she was a virgin. Mr. Angel then proceeded to inform her that, of course, the Holy Spirit would be taking care of all of that. This seemed to be a satisfactory explanation for her and she simply said, "I am the Lord's servant. May it be to me as you have said" (Luke 1:38). Excuse me?! Mary, aren't you going to ask him the exact method and time line of said events? And what about your fiance? What are you going to say to him? Details, Mary, details! But, no. Complete trust. I'm not suggesting that she didn't have questions or concerns; I'm suggesting that she trusted her God and His love and "bigness" enough to take care of them. She didn't fret, insisting on answers to every "what if?" in order to assuage her fear. She chose to trust in the midst of the unknown. Ugh, now I'm forced to ask myself:

1. Am I willing to do the hard things for Christ? Am I truly serving Him or am I really serving myself?
2. Am I really trusting His plan, or am I questioning every aspect until I get enough answers to feel comfortable?

Difficult questions. Questions who's answers are great indicators of where we are with God in the faith department. I'm sorry to say that I wish my answers were a little different than they are.

Later in that same chapter in Luke, we get to witness Mary's humility as Luke records "Mary's Song", a hymn of praise to her God. It is here that we learn one of the secrets to true humility. Praise. Extolling God reminds us of who He is and that we are not Him. I don't know about you, but I would be in danger of thinking I was pretty amazing if I were chosen to bear the Savior of the world, but there's no indication that Mary went there. She, instead, chose to praise God, to put herself in right relationship with Him. Listen to her heart:

"My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state [humble origin or state] of his servant. . .the Mighty One has done great things for me--holy is his name." vss. 46-49

She was thanking God for blessing her in the midst of her lowly circumstances. She knew that this was all from above and she was giving Him full credit, taking none for herself. Oh, I wish I were more like her, don't you? Luke also noted that throughout Jesus' life, his mom "treasured up" the things that surrounded her Son and pondered them in her heart. Interestingly, this "treasuring up" denotes an intense and careful protection. It was active. She worked at her humility. Are we doing the same? Our nature is to exalt ourselves, so are we actively working against it? Are we purposefully praising God so as to remind ourselves of His greatness? I have found a great way to do this is to keep a gratitude journal. This is a discipline I have practiced in the past. It simply involves a nightly session of jotting down things in your day that you are grateful for. I would also pray and thank God for those things. Doing this reminds us that any good thing in us or our lives is from Him and has nothing to do with us (James 1:17). It also focuses our minds on Him and His love for us right before we enter into dreamland. It makes for a more peaceful night.

God is pretty clear on His views of pride and humility:

"Though the LORD is on high, he looks upon the lowly, but the proud he knows from afar." Psalm 138:6

"This is who I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word" Isaiah 66:2

To be intimate with and esteemed by God? Sign me up! Ladies, let's pursue humility. For, out of an accurate assessment of our smallness and God's bigness, trust is born. It's work, but anything worth having always is.

Father, help us to see your greatness and sovereignty and to be awed by your power. But also open our eyes to your deep love for us, your creation. Turn it all into belief and, thus, trust. We love you, amen.

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A Good Place

2008-03-03T14:15:00.008-06:00

Hey, gals. Well, what do you think of the new design? Do you not totally love this picture? And the name it was given by its capturer is perfect: Good Place. Can't you just imagine yourself coppin' a squat right there on that bench to simply take it all in? And don't you just feel the stillness and peace in your soul as you do so? Ah, yes, it is a good place to be. As I spent some time sifting through endless pictures, I chose this one because I think it captures in picture form the place we want to be. The place of tranquility, rest, and beauty.

If you'll take a closer look, you'll notice the view appears through a break in an ancient wall. This wall is a ruin from long ago in Israel. It used to be strong and high, and now it lies broken and conquered. And from behind the rubble: wide open spaces. But, ages ago, you could only catch glimpses of this view for the wall. Don't we feel like that much of the time? We long for intimacy with a family member but feel an unexplainable "wall" between us. We meet someone, strike up a conversation only to find they have their "walls up". We so desire a closer relationship with Christ, but there seems to be some sort of barrier there. We see glimpses of the fulfilling relationships that could be, but we can't seem to attain the fullness of them. What is going on?

This is the heart of this blog site, my heart for you and me. Addressing the walls, the barricades, that keep us from the full life with Christ and His people and then breaking through them. The one I'm most passionate about we've discussed before: being real. So much of our freedom comes in learning how to do this. Our society is feeding us the lie that we must be something that we are not. That we must fit into some pre-set, assembly line-type mold created by the pretty people. Who are these people anyway? The individuals who get to decide what is acceptable, beautiful, and good? I'd like to give them a swift kick to the...whoa. Calm down, Misti. Anyway, this incessant drive we have to try to fit into this cookie cutter image of a good wife, mom, employee, child, etc. is slowly (or quickly if you're me) driving us mad! It also leads to anxiety, depression, and self-condemnation. God created us to be exactly who we are. Listen as David speaks of God's heart:

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139: 13-14

Have you ever knitted? It's not easy, nor is it quick. It's a lengthy process that takes commitment, concentration, and tenderness. One Christmas we were too poor to buy presents for our extended family, so I decided that I would learn to knit and create scarves for them all. Yes, even my brother-in-law received one (but he lived in the Windy City so I reasoned that a scarf would be a perfect gift). I expended extensive energies picking out just the right color and kind of yarn for each neckwarmer. By the way, have you been down the yarn aisle at your local Hobby Lobby lately? It's insane how many different textures, widths, and colors they have come up with. The feathery ones are my fave. Anyway, they all turned out beautifully if I do say so myself, but none of them were the same. My mom's was purple and sophisticated because purple is her favorite color and she would be wearing it to work. However, my grandmother's was pink and fluffy. She LOVES pink and comfort is paramount for her 90-year-old neck. Then there was my brother-in-law's. . .green, yet masculine (no feathers for him). The list could go on because I made quite a few, but the point is that each was hand-tailored to suit its owner. It was well thought out and special. This is the effort exerted by your Daddy when He created you! He thought about every detail of your being, whether physical, mental, or emotional. He then set out to knit you together and upon completion decided that you were very good. (Gen. 1:31) There is a reason you are the way you are. If you're anything like me, you have difficulty accepting certain qualities you posess. It's hard to realize that you are different and that sometimes people don't take too kindly to it. However, we are not here to be approved by the people. We are here to please God.

"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." Gal. 1:10

You see, as long as we are trying to conform to and appease the individuals around us, we are stuck in a pursuit going nowhere, much like a hamster in an exercise wheel. People are fickle. One day you're in; the next you're out. Your only constant is the Lord your God. We'll find that in accepting and walking in who we are and pursuing only His pleasure, we will become the most effective servant for Him. And we will find ourselves sitting on that bench, looking out past the rubble of our former wall of self-condemnation into our wide open spaces of tranquility. A good place.

Daddy, thank you for your intention, your care, and your tenderness in creating us. Thank you that we are all unique and special to you. Help us to embrace who you've made us to be and to learn to love ourselves completely. Knock down our walls so that we may be free to look upon the fullness of your beauty. We love you desperately, amen.

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A Short on Suffering

2008-02-26T20:53:00.005-06:00

Hey, gals. This week is going to be more of a thought to ponder than a complete blog. I've been dealing with a toothache that culminated in a root canal today, so I'm somewhat under the weather. I pray that God would use the little I have to offer mightily no matter the word count! Bless you all!

"The apostles left the Sanhedrin [after being flogged], rejoicing because they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name." Acts 5:41

After I read this passage this morning, I was faced with my own tendency to balk and complain at any inconvenience, much less any suffering, that I must face in my life. I can't remember the last time I rejoiced at having a trial put before me. And I realize that many of our trials today aren't nearly as severe as the apostles', but they are still designed to glorify God in some way no matter how small. Think about it. Whatever you face that's difficult, it has the potential to mold you more into the image of God. It is an honor. As hard as it is, we should be thanking God for taking the time to deal individually with us. We have the reassurance that everything that God does in our lives derives from His heart of love towards us, so we can KNOW that our trials are for our good. Today as we go about our day and some sort of distraction or inconvenience pops up, let's have the mind to ask God what He's doing in it. Let's try to roll with what God is doing daily, in the small things instead of fighting against Him when things don't go our way.

Father, thank you for loving us enough as to be intimately involved in the little events and happenings of our days. Help us to work with you instead of against you. We love you, amen.

Holy Moses! Part 2

2008-02-19T21:46:00.006-06:00

Hello again! Last week, we talked a little bit about Moses and his reaction to his past in the face of a big calling from God. I want to explore the moment God revealed Himself through Moses’ staff a tad more. If you’ll remember, we likened Moses’ shepherd’s staff to his former life of sin. Just as God used the staff to glorify Himself not only to Moses but later to the Hebrews and Egyptians, He wants to use our past sin to do the same in us and in our world. We asked the question, “How does God want to use your past to affect the world around you?” You might have noticed that in answering this question you were faced with the requirement of remembering some old wounds. In having to do so, you might have reacted like Moses did when God asked him to focus on his staff.

“The LORD said, ‘Throw it on the ground.’ Moses threw it on the ground and it became a snake, and he ran from it.” Ex. 4:3

Often, our first reaction when we are forced to think about old hurts and mistakes is to shut down the thought process and run from it. Who wants to brood over that stuff? Why bring intentional depression upon ourselves? The truth is we are not meant to feel eternally downcast when we rehearse our past; God desires for us to find healing from it. Check out what He says in Isaiah…I love it!!

“They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations.” Isa. 61:4

Yes, our ruins may be ancient, our hurts and mistakes haunting, but God desires restoration, not avoidance. There is a saying that goes, “You cannot heal what you do not acknowledge.” We must look it in the face, bring it to God and let Him heal it. This will look different for everyone. Depending on what’s looming in your past, counseling might benefit you. But, make sure that the good doctor is pointing you towards Christ. He is our only true Healer. Look what happened with Moses when God commanded him to deal with the snake.

“Then the LORD said to him, ‘Reach out your hand and take it by the tail.’ So Moses reached out and took hold of the snake and it turned back into a staff in his hand.” Ex. 4:4

No doubt the snake was frightening, but the truth was, in the presence of God, Moses had mastery over it! He grabbed that thing by the tail and put it in its rightful place: submission. The truth about your past is if you have Christ living in you, you have mastery over your former mistakes and pains! The enemy would love for you to believe the lie that you will never gain victory over them, but plainly and simply, that is a lie. God promises over and over in His word that when we seek Him, we will be healed and have victory and freedom. THAT is the truth. Choose to believe it.

We must come to the place where we decide that living behind prison doors of insecurity, discontent, or fear are no longer good enough. We are the people of God, the King of kings, and we WILL act like it. We will not run in fear from our pasts; we will stand, look them in the face, and just like Moses' snake, put them in their proper place of submission. We will trust that God knew what He was doing then and continues to be in control presently. The enemy has no right to stake any sort of claim over your life. You have already gained the victory. Now ask God to help you walk in it.

"I will walk about in victory for I have sought your precepts." Psalm 119:45

Father, thank you for your unmerited favor and freedom. Although you have made us free, it is sometimes so difficult to believe and live out. Help us. Thank you that you desire to heal us from past hurt and that no past is beyond your loving grasp. We love you.

Holy Moses! Part 1

2008-02-12T22:32:00.004-06:00

This week, I’ve been thinking quite a bit about Moses. Not necessarily about him leading his people out of Egypt or orchestrating a mid-ocean, dry land trek, but more about his life before he learned of his calling. He killed someone. He tried to cover it up. He ran for his life. Then, he found himself amongst a herd of sheep, spending hour after dreadfully boring hour leading his furry flock. Do you think he wondered if this was the only leadership he was meant for? Did he think that his past sins had rendered useless any gifts he may have had? It had been decades since he had done anything but tend sheep. I wonder if he had given up on any further aspirations.

When Moses encounters a shrub lit aflame by the very presence of God, his insecurities come center stage. God has chosen him for a mighty big job and He begins to reveal the plan for that job to Moses. And what is Moses’ reaction? “Who am I. . .?” Okay, I’ll give him this one. It sounds like good, God-centered humility. But he follows it up with, “What if they do not believe me?” and “I have never been eloquent. . .I am slow of speech” and the one that finally earns God’s anger, “O Lord, please send someone else to do it.” I don’t know about you, but I’ve been there. I can’t count the number of times I’ve felt the Lord ask me to do something and I’ve answered with excuse after excuse. And like Moses, many of them were rooted in insecurity linked to past experience or sin.

When Moses reacted to his calling with, “What if they do not believe me or listen to me?” I’m thinking he might have been remembering the last experience he had with the Hebrews. They had confronted him with his sin and he had run. Maybe he thought that he had lost any sort of respect among them. God’s response to his question is curious. God answers Moses’ question with one of His own. “What is that in your hand?” I can picture Moses glancing at his hand and saying flatly, “Uh. A staff.” The rest of the dialogue I will present verbatim so that you can picture it yourself.

“A staff, “ he replied. The LORD said, “Throw it on the ground.” Moses threw it on the ground and it became a snake and he ran from it. Then the LORD said to him, “Reach out your hand and take it by the tail.” So Moses reached out and took hold of the snake and it turned back into a staff in his hand. “This,” said the LORD, “is so that they may believe that the LORD the God of their fathers—the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob—has appeared to you.” Exodus 4: 2-5

Why did Moses have a staff? Because he was a shepherd. And why was he a shepherd? It was the career he had taken up as he was running from a sinful past. Funny, the staff that he acquired as a direct result of his past sin became the object that God used to glorify Himself. How many times have we ruminated on and regretted our pasts as God was saying to us, “Child, you are forgiven of all of that. And I’m going to use it for My glory!” The former events and actions that cause us pain to remember are the very ones that God wants to use to show the world how loving and powerful He is.

He wants to use what we are running from.

Interestingly, Moses’ staff was later referred to as “the staff of God”. It was wholly surrendered to God and used to split the sea, bring water from a rock, and produce a prayer-induced battle victory for Israel. What if Moses would have let his insecurity keep him from doing what God had asked him to do? Amongst a myriad of other possibilities, he would have missed out of being one of the most powerful and effective leaders of the Christian faith. He led a nation out of slavery. An entire nation.

How is God wanting to use your past to affect the world around you? To get you thinking, I’ll give you one example from my life. He is using my past college-aged rebellion to fuel a passion to pour into high school kids. I want to equip these girls for the faith-challenging life they will enter upon stepping foot on a college campus so that they don’t do what I did. What is it for you? What pain will you let God turn into ministry? You may not lead a whole nation out of slavery, but you’ll surely help bring about freedom in your friends, families, and coworkers. And, who knows? Maybe leading a nation is in your future. . .after all, nothing is impossible for God.

I have more thoughts on Moses, but I’ll save them for next week. Can’t wait! Love ya’, girls!

Father, thank you that you work everything for the good of those who love you. Thank you that we don’t have to be bogged down with guilt over our pasts. Help us to accept your forgiveness and be vulnerable enough to let you use our former failures for your glory. We love you. Amen

Eyes to Yourself

2008-02-05T23:36:00.001-06:00

“We have different gifts, according to the grace given us.” Romans 12:6

This year I have had the pleasure of watching one of our new girl leaders form friendships with some senior girls in our club. It is the coolest thing. As soon as these girls arrive at any event, you can almost see their “Christie Radars” go up. They are all on the lookout for her. And as soon as they find her, they are stuck fast. It’s almost as if no one else exists; she is all that matters. And they think that every word that comes out of her mouth is the funniest thing they have ever heard. At winter camp this year, they laughed for 10 minutes straight when she quoted a Bible verse. Who knew holy writ could be so side-splitting? I still don’t know what was so funny. And every idea she has is the best idea ever spoken aloud. She could tell them to run as fast as they can into a brick wall and they would do it. They are enamored. And she is just as taken with them. Watching God do a work in all of their hearts through these blossoming relationships is amazing.

Still, periodically, I have to check my pride at the door. I find myself thinking, “Why don’t they like me as much as her?” or “They don’t even know I’m here.” Well, the truth is, they DO like her more and they are probably only slightly aware that I’m around (I refuse to believe that I go completely unnoticed). But, so what? Who cares who they like more! At these times, I have to ask myself new questions: “Am I living this life for myself or for God? Is it all about me or all about Him?”

The truth is, as funny and attractive as Christie is, the bond that is forming between her and those seniors is a God thing. He has provided her with particular personality traits and life experiences that draw those girls to her. And He is using those to bring the girls into a closer relationship with Him. Again, it is about Him.

What God has done in Christie, He is doing in all of us. He has given us particular gifts and life events to equip us to do the job He has for us to do. In Ephesians 2:10, Paul tells us that God has works, good works, for us to do that He already has prepared. He has a specific mission for you. One that He has specially built, molded, and pruned you for. It’s the perfect job. But so often, we miss out on our job because we are too busy lamenting the fact that we don’t have so-and-so’s gifts. “She’s prays aloud so much better than I.” Or “Wow, what a great teacher. I wish I could teach like that.” Or “Maybe they like her better because she’s so funny. I should try to be funny.” Oh, was that last one just for me?

It comes down to this. God has a plan for the world around us and each of us plays a special, specific part in it. Are we going to live out our role and find fulfillment in accomplishing our purpose for being on this earth, or are we going to whine about not having someone else’s job and live our lives in jealous bitterness? I’m speaking to myself here. Let’s get our eyes off of each other and trust God enough to give our own purpose a try. You never know; you might just like your job better anyway. It’s what God made you for, after all!

Father, we confess that we are guilty of comparing ourselves to your other children. We are sorry and thank you for your patience and forgiveness for us in this area. Thank you that you love us each enough to invite us to be a part of what you’re doing on this earth. Help us not to miss our callings because our eyes are focused on the wrong targets. We love you, Amen.

Hold On, Sister!

2008-01-29T15:45:00.001-06:00

“Sweet little babies, it’s hard to understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing—
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…”
--“Glory Baby” by Watermark

A dear friend gave me the song above to listen to because it reminded her of our first child. Gabriela Faith is my sweet daughter who was stillborn on November 15, 2002. Although I know she is in Heaven and has escaped the pains and trials of this earth, up until very recently, that did very little to comfort me. To be honest with you, the sentiments expressed in the song above not only did not soothe me; they enraged me. I didn’t really believe that healing would come, and I wasn’t so sure God knew what He was doing when He let her slip away. His purposes seemed cruel and beyond any kind of reason.

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

After Gabi passed away, I took a long journey through deep depression and fear. The darkest and scariest time in my life to date. As the months turned into years, I began to wonder if I would ever be happy. Healed. Whole. This past year marked the 5th anniversary of her death, and upon reflecting on her life, I realized that I had finally found some joy. Lots of it. My life is now characterized by passion for the Lord, for the life He has given me, and for what He is doing in the world around me. What had happened? What had changed me from a broken woman despairing of life to this gal lit aflame for the Lord?

I had hung on to Jesus for dear life. All I could see in my darkness was His hand gently pulling me forward, and I held on purely out of desperation. I tucked Psalm 119:45 deep into my heart as my promise. “I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought His precepts.” I had to believe that someday I would conquer the pain. Most of the time it wasn’t easy. Many times it was the most challenging thing I had ever done. But I had no choice. Either I hold on to Jesus or give up on life.

I suspect that I’ll never know the full extent of what God has done through Gabi’s life, but He has been so gracious as to show me the miracles that He has performed in me through her.

Chiefly, he has given me REAL joy, peace, and hope. What I had before Gabi was fake. It was what I could muster up within myself. God taught me through my new lack of self-sufficiency that He was the true Source of those qualities. Also, I did not know it, but I had become distant and somewhat unsympathetic to those around me because of my reaction to some experiences in my past. In having to let people help me, I learned to let them in and continue to learn how to love them well. By the way, this is still a work in progress! But, one of the coolest things that Gabi accomplished was God giving me my calling through her. In being stripped of all my pretenses and facades, I found freedom in simply being me. In being real. And God has ignited a passion in me to help other women find that same liberty. Simply put, He has given me all the things He has promised He would. Joy. Peace. Hope. Love. Purpose.

My life before the birth of my sweet daughter pales in comparison to the one I’m living now. Ladies, let’s hold on. Let’s trust God and His plan. It may be painful, and it may be the hardest thing we ever do, but can we hold on long enough to see God fulfill the promises He’s made to us? His word says that all His ways are faithful and loving towards us and that He’s working out everything for our good. Let’s choose to trust that and stick it out to see the miracles He performs.

“He has sent me to. . .bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.” Isaiah 61:1-3

Memory Verse: Romans 12:12 “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer.”

God, thank you that you found enough worth in me to love me out of my imprisonment. Thank you for Gabi…please give her a big hug and “thank you” for me. It warms my heart to know that she accomplished her purpose in this life. Father, help us to hold on and trust you and your goodness. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Intentional Living

2008-01-22T22:48:00.001-06:00

“These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” Deut. 6:6-7

This morning I spent an hour putting together a rough daily schedule for my family and me. You see, I have been frazzled with so many things vying for my time and attention that I decided it was time to sit down and figure out exactly what I’m supposed to be doing with myself everyday. Am I supposed to be pouring into our ministry leaders? Into the high school folks? If I’m working when Cooper is in school, when am I to write? I really have a heart for women. . . what am I supposed to be doing with that? So many questions. As I began to bring my queries to God, He reminded me of what He said to us last week. Relationships. It’s all about relationships. People. And the priority people He has given me to nurture are living right underneath this roof.

As I stared down at what I had already sketched, I realized that I had our ministry days marked down, church diligently recorded, and our day of rest set aside, but there was nothing designated—preserved—for the two most important people in my life. Yes, I had our Little Gym and library days noted, but nothing planned for real family connection. There were plenty of events for us to DO, but nothing that just allowed us to BE together. It got me thinking, “Am I living my priorities or am I just saying I have some?”

Recently, I was listening to Bible teacher Beth Moore speak about believing God to get us to our lives of victory. I love what she expressed. “Nobody goes to their place of promise accidentally. We must be intentional.” She planted a seed in my mind that God watered and made sprout this morning. I realized that if I was going to live according to my priorities I was going to need to be intentional. If I want to raise a godly son who knows he is cherished and loved by the Lord and his parents, I need to make sure that I’m not letting anything impede my communication of that love. If I want him to come to know and love the Word, I must teach it to him. If I desire for him to learn to pray, I should be setting that example. In Deuteronomy, God informs us that as parents, we are the primary teachers of our children. We are to be spending as much time as we can processing life through the filter of God’s commandments with our children. How can they learn to live a Christ-centered life if we have not taught and modeled it before them?

And am I being intentional with my husband? We’ve all heard 1 Cor. 13:4-8 at every wedding we’ve ever been to. “Love is patient. Love is kind…” This speaks of intention. I can’t be patient or kind, let alone all the other qualities listed in these verses, without aforethought. It doesn’t come naturally. I must work at it. It must be deliberate.

What are your priorities? Are you scheduling your life to fit them or are they being pushed aside for less crucial obligations? Maybe it starts with simply sitting down and letting God show you what needs to be on the schedule and what doesn’t. For me, it was cutting out high school sports events and adding a weekly family night and bi-weekly date night. Ask God what He wants you to be doing and then trust Him to help you rearrange your agenda. Make a plan. Stick to it. Learn to say no when you’re asked to do something that will distract you from what is most important. Live your life intentionally. Don’t let your life live you.

Father, thank you for gently rattling our cages. For waking us out of our slumber. We ask that you would show us where you want us spending our time and that you would help us to be obedient when you do. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

The Pursuit of People

2008-01-15T15:05:00.002-06:00

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:24-25

As some of you know because I saw you there, I have just returned from spending an invigorating week in Florida with other Young Life staff and their spouses from around the globe. Lou and I always look forward to these trips because it gives us time away from the stress at home, an opportunity to spend time together, and a day at DISNEY WORLD! This year we couldn’t wait to experience the little slice of iconic American culture that is the land of Mickey. I’m not ashamed to say that I love that place. Yes, even the It’s a Small World ride. Side note: did you know that they’ve placed new animatronic Jack Sparrows into the Pirates of the Caribbean ride? I missed a good portion of the detailed scenes around him because I was staring at him trying to figure out if it was an actor or a machine. We had to ride it twice to catch all the minutiae I missed the first time around. Anyway…

In the days leading up to our trip, I was so focused on going to Disney and busy speculating on what I would bring home for my son, that I forgot that my favorite part of our time there, really, is catching up with friends. We encountered old buddies that we hadn’t seen since the last get-together four years ago and spent time with pals who we just aren’t able to experience day-to-day life with anymore. It was a time of connection and encouragement. And it was rich. Life-giving.

On the last day of the conference, I became somber knowing that we would be returning to real life. Don’t get me wrong, I love our life, my ministry, and am honored to stay home to mother the greatest son in the world, but I realized that we would be entering back into a world where precious few friends surround us. I would miss the constant love and uplifting that we experienced in Orlando. Reflecting on the past 5 days saddened me but made me extremely grateful for this second family God has given us, no matter how far we are from one another.

Ladies, we need our friends. You may be surrounded with a large group of like-minded gal pals, or you may be like me, struggling to make new connections. Regardless, we need to be pursuing authentic friendships. The first night of the conference a friend and I stayed up until 1:30 talking about life, love and how God plays into it all. I didn’t realize how badly I needed that sort of connection until that moment. There is a reason we want friends surrounding us during important times in our lives like birthdays, weddings, and funerals. We were made for relationship. God gave us a longing for connection. Connection with Him and connection with those around us. In the gospel of Mark, God not only instructs us to love Him with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength, but to love others as well. He says that these are the two greatest commandments (vs. 29-31). And they are both about relationship.

Are you pursuing people? Or are you like me, putting off relationships, falling for the world’s trappings of busyness and solitude? Girls, we need one another; it’s as simple as that. Let’s learn how to share our world with those around us and in so doing, find the support and encouragement that God longs for us to experience. In experiencing each other, we often experience God. Let’s not miss it!

Memory verse: Galatians 6:2 Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

Father, thank you for the longing for people you’ve placed in our hearts. Help us to be intentional about forming and sustaining lasting, Christ-centered relationships. Knowing and investing in others allows us to experience you in a new and different way. Help us to open ourselves up to it. We love You. Amen.

What's On Your Mind?

2008-01-06T17:49:00.001-06:00

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8

I’ve been watching my husband today diligently doing our laundry. Yes, you read it right. Laundry. Lou is the one in this home who cleans and folds our clothes. However, we’ve had to get new wardrobes since he’s taken over this household chore. I recently discovered that he was washing many loads in warm or hot water and drying them on high heat. He figured, the higher the heat, the cleaner the shirt and the faster the dry. Although he might have been correct, faster also means smaller. And since half-shirts haven’t been in style since the 1980’s, I’m now considering passing along many of my tops to my 6-year-old neighbors. Thankfully, after some discussion, we’ve since gotten the process figured out and Lou can now be trusted with our garments. However, our clothes paid the price. And so did he.

I am, by nature, a critical person. I can gaze at my reflection in the mirror and find every imperfection (real or imagined) in lightning speed. Unfortunately, that critical eye has also been directed at my husband for the majority of our marriage, up until very recently, in fact. Instead of seeing a man who was trying to please me and help me with home duties, all I saw was a man who ruined my clothing. I chastised him, criticizing him for not knowing that colors are washed in cold and that you don’t dry anything on hot but towels and sheets! And I’m sad to say, my critiques did not stop there, nor have they ever. I have a history of passing judgment on everything from his appearance to the way he does his job (ridiculous, I know). I’m not proud of the way I’ve behaved. And, thankfully, God has been persistent and faithful to deal with this relationship-crippling tendency in me.

This past year, God made me aware that so much of the defeat that I’ve experienced in my life, whether it be in my marriage or out of it, is seeded in the way that I think. I have a knack for picking out a flaw in myself or Lou and rehearsing it ad nauseam, most times making it into something much worse than it really is. Because of this inclination, both Lou and I were struggling to find fulfillment in this marriage. Not only that, I was finding it difficult to find true pleasure in any facet of my life. I was always seeing the negative side or thinking of all the bad that could happen. I began to ask myself, “What is wrong with me? Why can’t I love Lou the way he deserves to be loved? Why don’t I want to spend time with my husband? Why am I always fighting against being down?” And God said something along the lines of, “Because, child, you are thinking on the wrong things.”

Instead of dwelling on what is wrong with our spouses, our children, or ourselves, God instructs us to think on what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable. In the original language here, to “think about” means to reckon, count over and pass to one’s account. We are called to reckon, count over, and pass to one’s account their true, noble, right, pure, lovely and admirable qualities. We are called to count up ours as well. And we are not only told to count them up, but the original word also speaks of occupying ourselves with doing so. Instead of wasting our time dwelling on flaws, God wants us to expend our mental energies on recalling excellent qualities that He has implanted in every one of us.

I can choose to think about how I was faced again with an old sin yesterday, or I can choose to think about how far God has brought me in my fight against it. I can choose to think about how frustrated I am that my son is pushing boundaries, or I can choose to reflect upon how he is extremely loving, obedient most of the time, and is just in the midst of a healthy phase. I can choose to ruminate on the clothes that I’ve lost in the laundry fiasco, or I can choose to meditate on how my husband loves me deeply and is intentional in trying to share my workload.

We must choose our thoughts. I have gone so far as to make Philippians 4:8 my life verse for 2008. It is that important. I have noticed a significant difference in my life since I have begun the practice of concentrating on our gifts instead of our flaws. No longer do I walk around under a dark cloud. I am falling more in love with my husband and with this life that God has given me to live.

Are you looking for some joy? Think about what you’re thinking about.

Memory Verse: Philippians 4:8

Father, thank You, that even in the midst of flaws and imperfections, You have given us praiseworthy qualities as well. Instead of being overwhelmed with our own faults or consumed with criticizing others’, help us to be of somber judgment: to love ourselves and others in truth. In Christ’s name, amen.

RECOVERY!!

2008-01-01T20:33:00.000-06:00

Hello all! I hope your holidays were peaceful and rich. As for mine...I'm still recovering, so I will not be posting tonight. I'll be back on track next week. I'll actually be posting on Sunday the 6th instead of Tuesday the 8th because I will be out of state for Young Life on the 8th. I continue to be so thankful for all of you and your support. I'll "talk" to you next week.

Grateful for You,
Misti

The Perfection Infection

2007-12-18T22:24:00.002-06:00

*This week is a little different. An editor for a ladies' Christian magazine has asked to see an article from me. I'm sending in the following piece. Let me know what you think. Also, I will be taking next week off since it is Christmas. I pray that your time with your family is Christ-centered and full of joy. Thanks for reading!*

Do you have that friend who can confront you on an ugly truth about yourself but leave you feeling like you’ve been embraced instead of slapped silly? Thankfully, I only have a few who are willing to try. Kathryn is one of those friends. We have known each other since age thirteen, so she has seen almost every facet of my personality. However, last year she became privy to a side of me that I have managed to hide pretty successfully because it is mostly an internal thing: my incessant need to be perfect. She became my boss, poor thing. She hired me to “teach” 2-year-olds. If she only knew what she had gotten herself into. Now, I adore tiny tots as much as the next gal, but to be the one solely responsible for their physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being? Eek! Every week they must review their alphabet, numbers and colors. They must craft, color and learn to play well with their classmates. They must be taught to sit where they’re told and to nap in the middle of the room on their mats. What? They’re two! They must be disciplined consistently but also loved and cherished. Oh, yes, and most importantly, they must learn about Jesus and give their hearts to Him by the end of the year. Okay, that last one is a lie.

Interestingly, Kathryn never told me every one of the requirements needed to be met every week. In fact, she specifically told me, “Toddlers are tough. Just do what you can. No pressure.” Where I got the idea that every single activity must be done and done at a Martha Stewart level, I do not know.

After a morning of watching me rush around the preschool building huffing and puffing because I couldn’t get the craft ready in time or the room prepared, she pulled me aside. How dare her? Couldn’t she see I was running behind? Anyway, I digress.

“Misti, relax! When did you become such a perfectionist and so hard on yourself? In high school I admired you because you were so confident. What happened to you?”

I didn’t have an answer. What had happened? When did it become okay to expect perfection from myself? As I sat and pondered that question, I realized that this Perfection Infection had invaded every part of my life like a cancer run amuck. I realized that I only feel “good enough” if I’m the mom who never yells at her little one, the employee who never makes a mistake in judgment, the daughter who never disappoints, and the wife that keeps a perfectly spotless house, has dinner on the table every night, and is always in the mood. Hadn’t I read something about all sinning and falling short of the glory of God? Wasn’t I expected to be weak since God clearly says that when we are weak He is strong, thus making it apparent that I will have weaknesses (2 Cor. 12:9)? Yet, here I am, descending into meltdown mode because I didn’t get the toys disinfected before the kids arrived.

And I see that I’m not the only one with this debilitating condition. As the wife of a youth minister, I get the privilege of forming relationships with women of all ages. Not only do I get to hang out with girls in their teens, but I get the opportunity to become friendly with their moms and sisters as well. And I witness the same tendencies in all of us, age 14 to 60. We are all unmercifully beating ourselves up for the tiniest missteps. The younger ones are shredding themselves to pieces because they asked someone a “stupid” question, and the older ones are doing the same because they can’t meet every need of every person in their families. Girls, we are not meant to live this way! We were never meant to strive to find perfection. We are not meant to try, try, and try again to reach unattainable goals of flawlessness—to only find peace when we make no mistakes. Amazingly, in Christ, we are enough.

You are enough.

God is clear. You are the apple of His eye (Zec. 2:8), the display of his splendor (Isa. 61:3), very good (Gen. 1:31), forgiven (Ps. 103:12), favored (Ps. 5:12) an object of his rejoicing (Zeph. 3:17). Surely, if I am the apple of God’s eye, I am special and valued. Surely, if God says I am very good then I am good enough. Surely, if God says I am forgiven, I can forgive myself.

I’ve had to come to the conclusion that I will never get it together completely. I will continue to make mistakes, but I do not embody them. Yes, I’m going to sometimes give my husband attitude; my patience will run low with my stop and smell the roses 3-year-old, and I will never know all the answers to all the questions my teens will ask. But I will choose not to “snowball” into thinking I’m a horrible wife, the worst mother in all of America, or an imbecile who shouldn’t be teaching the youth of this world anything. Although I know this territory quite well, journeying down that familiar road is not an option.

Finding our peace with our limited selves is all about choice. Will we believe the lie that we must be good enough to be genuinely loved? Or will we choose to trust the truth that weaves itself through Scripture from Genesis to Revelation: that we are fully forgiven and scandalously loved despite our imperfections? It is a choice. We decide either to remain in our spiritual sickbed or resolve to rise and be healed. Believe. Choose to believe. That is where your healing is.

You are loved and you are enough simply because you are His.

Father, thank You that You love us dearly in the midst of all of our weaknesses. And thank You that You promise to meet us where we are, love us richly, and tenderly mold us into the women You desire us to be. Help us to be cooperative and believe what You're saying and walk in Your truth. We love You. Amen.

Remember Me

2007-12-11T17:38:00.002-06:00

**I realize that the last two posts have been pretty long, so this one is shortened up quite a bit. I pray God speaks to you. Thanks for reading!**

“to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen.” Jude 25

As most of you know, we moved to Rockwall, Texas a little over four months ago. I remember when we first crossed that short bridge over Lake Ray Hubbard into the tiny little town. We were instantly enamored. Being from one of the biggest cities in the nation, the charm of small town life and the view of the lake at sunset sold us immediately. Never had I seen more vibrant oranges, pinks and purples woven into such a tapestry of beauty. We couldn’t wait to pack up and move into our little condo next to the lake. Much of the first couple of months here we spent simply walking or sitting out by the water. I couldn’t get enough. I just wanted to drink in every little drop of that scenery.

Interestingly, last week I was hurrying down the main street in our community that runs parallel to the lake (yes, there is ONE central drag...I love it). I happened to glance to my right and caught a glimpse of the water. It was sunset and it was just as beautiful as it had been in August. However, I realized that it had been quite a long time since I had really taken the time to soak in its beauty. I had begun to take it for granted and the grandeur of the landscape had lost its impact on me. I saw it so often that it was just another part of the town at that point.

It prompted me to ask whether this mirrors my reaction to God at times. Is this the way we respond when we hear the Christmas story every year? Yes, we know that Jesus was born in Bethlehem, placed in a manger because there was no room in the inn, visited by wisemen, shepherds, and sheep, and was the Son of Mary and Joseph. But is that all it’s become to us? Has it become so familiar that it is just another story that we hear at this time of year? I have to confess, sometimes that’s exactly what it is to me. I forget that Jesus left behind the warmth and comfort of Heaven to enter into our cold, dark, and painful world. He was placed in a lowly manger, giving up his rightful throne at the right hand of the Father. I fail to remember that he was born to a fleshly, sinful woman. He gave up the splendor of Heaven to reach out to me. Jesus-God in the Flesh-took drastic measures to save me.

To save you.

Have we forgotten the magnitude of that? He could have sat stationary on that throne and let us fester in our own filth and shame. We deserve it. But in His unfailing love and tenderness, He chose to humble Himself. To sacrifice Himself and His comforts for us.

We know the entire story. We know how it ends, but can we focus on the beginning for right now? We were guilty. We deserved hell. But Jesus would not have it. He rose off that throne, filled with compassion, determined to save His creation, and descended on a condemned world. This Christmas season let’s determine to fix our eyes on Jesus and the wonder of what He did and continues to do for us. For He not only lived on this earth in the flesh; He continues to live amongst us as He lives in our hearts. Inconceivable!

Father, help us to never forget the magnitude of what Your Son did for us. Empower us to live our lives as a thanks offering to You. Thank you, thank you for Your sacrifice. We love you. Amen.

Memory Verse: Romans 5:1 "Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,”

The Masquerade Ball

2007-12-04T17:57:00.001-06:00

I truly believe that in our church today we have a problem with lying. Maybe we aren’t walking around with bold-faced whoppers falling off our tongues, but how many times have we answered the question “How are you?” with “Great! You?” while our hearts are breaking inside over an issue at home? Why do we feel that we must walk into church or into any other meeting with other women with all of our ducks in a row, neatly put together, mask in place? I’m not talking about spilling our guts to everyone we come across, but can we get a little honesty please? A little vulnerability?

I lived most of my life behind a mask. Oh, I never kept the same one for long, but I always had one firmly affixed. In high school, I wore the successful, fun, full-of-joy mask. In college and my early twenty’s, the intimidating, crass, I-am-woman-hear-me-roar mask. Later, I replaced that with the put-together, righteous Christian mask. You know the problem with those masks? In high school, I was hurting; I wasn’t full of joy. In college, I felt lost and defeated, far from powerful. And when I wore that pretty, put-together Christian mask was when I was the most broken. Yet, no one knew the truth. Behind the mask I was alone. And I was tired.

The Mess of Masks

The Upkeep
If we’re going to keep that glossy veneer shining, it’s going to take some work! I’m going to need to stuff my “stuff”. Subconsciously, it sounds something like this: "I can’t let anyone see what’s really going on, what I’m really thinking, my real pains! Don’t dare ask me about the very issue that’s caused me to put my mask on in the first place. I might break. One tear and the floodgates might open. I can’t have that! I’m good. I’m alright. Okay, I’m not, but nobody needs to know that. My business is my business and I just don’t want to think about or deal with my needs. I will do whatever it takes to keep you from seeing behind the ruse."

Ugh. . .exhausting! The constant, sheer volume of emotional energy exerted to maintain a façade of perfection while you’re crumbling inside is enough to crush you all by itself!

The Ball for One
You may have created a masquerade ball to attend; the problem is that you’re the only one invited. Living behind a mask is a lonely place. Nobody gets to know the real you, the genuine person you are. What they see is whatever you choose to put out there. The person they are getting to know is not the real you. And you know it. This breeds the lie, “If they knew the real me, they wouldn’t want to be around me.” You feel fake, misunderstood, and devastatingly alone.

The Contagiousness
When we decide that we’re going to camouflage our hurts with a disguise of perfection, it makes others believe we have it all together. And although we shouldn’t be comparing ourselves to others (another blog, another time), we do it. Consequently, when that woman who is going through a difficult time is looking for someone to sympathize with her and comfort her, all she sees is people who have no issues. She has no one to talk to because in her eyes, no one struggles like she does. In an effort to protect ourselves, we contribute to someone else’s pain.

The Host of the Ball

You know what I’m going to say. The one behind this entire ordeal, the one providing all the face gear, is the enemy. His words are ever the same:

• “Don’t let anyone in. They’ll hurt you.”
• “Don’t tell anyone that! It’s too embarrassing.“
• “Don’t blubber on. No one cares about you.”
• “You’re the only one with this issue. If you share it, they’re going to think you’re a freak. It’s better to keep it to yourself.”

The list goes on and on, but the feelings behind the words are the same: shame and a need for secrecy. Ladies, those are tell-tale signs that the enemy is at work. Don’t let him fool you! Stand up and refuse to let him talk you into a self-imposed prison!

I know that for many of us, we live behind masks because it is scary to think about letting people see inside. We have been hurt, ridiculed, and abandoned, but the walls that we are putting up around ourselves are not keeping us safe; they are keeping us imprisoned. In isolation. In loneliness.

The Most High Host

There is a gala for you to attend and you are the belle of the ball. It is a place where the Most High God provides the music. Zephaniah 3:17 says,

The Lord your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.

I know it’s frightening to let people in, but your God is a mighty God. He can handle that fear. Ask Him to help you be comfortable simply being you. It’s so freeing. He also takes great delight in you. He doesn’t just delight; He takes great delight in you. If someone else doesn’t necessarily take pleasure in you, could you be content with the God of the Universe being head over heals in love with you? Accepting that love will quiet that unease in you if you’ll let it. He is so in love, so enamored, so delighted with you that he rejoices in song over you! Unfathomable! Why should I care what others think if the Alpha and Omega thinks I’m so lovely that He can’t help but burst out in song? And you know the best thing? He knows every single, itty-bitty part of me, good and bad, and still thinks I’m great.

So, girls, do you think that we could start chipping away at that wall? Could we start letting people in and being honest about who we really are? Not only will we find rest from the work of the upkeep, but we will find peace within ourselves knowing that we are loved for our true selves and not some false image we have portrayed. There is freedom in simply being ourselves. And do you know the greatest benefit of all? In taking off our masks, Christ covers us with His image.

And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory,
are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing
glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
2 Cor. 3:18

How comforting to know that when I become vulnerable, when I stop the charade, Christ meets me there and covers my nakedness. What a gentleman.

Memory Verse: Zeph. 3:17

Father, thank You that we are fearfully and wonderfully made and that we were made on purpose and with purpose. Thank You that you love us, the true us, warts, bruises and all. We bring our masks to You and lay them on Your altar. Please consume them and cover us with Your love. Help us to be content with Your love and acceptance and to remember that to truly fulfill the calling You have for us, we will have to be ourselves. We love you, Jesus. It’s in Your name we pray, Amen.

The Good Gifts

2007-11-27T22:53:00.000-06:00

“If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” Matthew 7:11

Today I went Christmas shopping for my son, Cooper and I was ecstatic about it. I had in mind what I wanted to buy him (because he had made it clear after all) and was double and triple checking the toy aisles to find exactly what he wanted. Maps. Yes, maps. This kid sits enthroned on his car seat and peruses the Dallas area map telling me which direction to drive. Never mind that the map is upside down and that he’s pointing at an airport while directing me to the zoo. Details. He just loves gazing at the tiny, crooked lines of the country roads and the big, blue signs that number the major highways. I also believe that he enjoys telling me what to do, but that is beside the point. Anyway, our problem is that the map he has to look at is as large as he is and when he finally manages to get it opened up, it has become a head to toe blanket. Hence, his desire for his own toddler-sized map. And although it was difficult to find (I spent an hour in Target), I loved looking for it. And what I found was better than I expected: a plastic, easily foldable, small map of Texas, including detailed maps of the major cities! Just his size! And do you know what was right beside it? A kid’s atlas with fun activities included on every page! He loves dot-to-dots! I know that I’m getting a bit excited about my find, but I just know that it’s going to make him so happy. It pleases me to be able to give him the gifts that he desires.

Isn’t that just like God? Don’t you know that He is pleased to bless us? So many times in His word, He instructs us to ask Him to fulfill our needs. We are told to ask for wisdom (James 1:5), to present our requests to the Lord (Php. 4:6), to come to him for our “daily bread” (Matt. 6:11), to simply ask (Matt. 7:7). So why do we hesitate? If God wants to give us gifts and even says that every good and perfect gift that we receive comes from Him (James 1:17), what’s holding us back from asking? I, of course, have a few ideas.

*We simply don’t think about it. Whatever our need is seems so trivial, we don’t even think about approaching the throne room of God on its behalf.

*We’re too busy. If I’m not carving out time to spend with God, then I’m definitely not praying like I should. This also robs us of peace because we are trying to do it all on our own again.

*We don’t want to be disappointed. If I don’t ask God for something, then I can’t be disappointed when He doesn’t provide it. The problem with this one is that in asking God to do nothing, sometimes that’s exactly what He does: nothing. He still protects us and watches over us, but we have cheated ourselves out of seeing God work in this particular situation.

*I wrote the book on this one: we’d rather worry and do nothing than ask God and find peace. Ouch! I know; I’m sorry if that one hurt. I’m a bit bloodied by it, too. I think as women, we are natural worriers. Even though it’s no fun, it’s comfortable. We’re familiar with it. We’re more unfamiliar with the whole asking and trusting thing. But again, we are cheating ourselves of the peace we would find if we would learn how to present our struggles to the Lord and choose to believe that He’s going to act on our behalf (Isa 64:4).

Are you trying to do it all on your own? Or are you one who is afraid to trust God again because you feel you’ve been burned in the past? Maybe, like me, you’d rather just sulk and worry than get on with it. Ladies, God says in John 10:10 that the life He means for us to live is an abundant life. A full life. But He also says that we have not because we ask not (James 4:2). I want every aspect of abundant life I can get my hands on! I want all the joy, peace, love, wisdom, strength, and effectiveness that He wants to give me. I want it all. I surely don’t want to miss out on any part of it simply because I wouldn’t ask for it.

This Christmas season, with all of the giving that’s going on, let’s let our Heavenly Father give to us. Let’s bring it all to Him, no matter how small or big, and expectantly wait for His answer. He will answer. And be assured that the response we’re looking or hoping for will pale in comparison to what He will do. Let Him show off in your life! He is always up to something, and that something is good and loving. His reply may look different than we had anticipated, but it is ever for our benefit and for His glory. Will you cooperate with Him? Will you trust Him? Will you let yourself be given to? Unlike a child who is not guaranteed what he has asked for, we will be given to. Let Him do it.

Memory Verse:

Isaiah 64:4 - “Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him.”

Thank you, Lord, that you are so involved in our lives, that you want to give to us. Father, help us to remember to pray for everything that we would ever need, should it be spiritual like wisdom, joy, and peace or material like mortgage. You are the Meeter of all of our needs. Thank you. We praise you, Jesus, and ask this in your name. Amen.

To Rest or Not to Rest. . .

2007-11-20T16:30:00.000-06:00

This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says: "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it." Isaiah 30:15

Well, tomorrow is the day designated to "give thanks" for the blessings we have been given. A day to take time away from the stresses of everyday life and thank God for His care. However, when we are up to our eyeballs in turkey, cranberries, and out of town guests, running hither and yon from morning 'til night, it's difficult to have an attitude of gratitude. We swap the pressures at work for the burdens at home. In turn, we wake up Thursday morning, and probably Wednesday as well, feeling defeated before the day has even begun.

"How am I ever going to get everything done?"
"I need to clean the house, pick up Mom at the airport, dress the turkey, and make the pies. By noon."
"Will someone shut those kids up?!" (Although, I'm sure you would never think this.)

The past couple of months God has been impressing upon me the importance of rest. And although physical rest is something that God clearly wants us to do, it is the spiritual rest that is paramount. Life-giving. In the midst of busy days like tomorrow, we are in danger of losing our tempers at best and our minds at worst if we are not quiet and at rest in the Lord. So, how do we get there? How do we get our minds to rest?

God instructs us to cast all of our anxieties on Him because He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7). He also says that if we keep our mind steadfast on Him, He will keep us in perfect peace (Isaiah 26:3). Isn't that what we need? A healthy dose of peace? A mind at peace is a mind at rest. However, our problem, as outlined in Isaiah 30:15, is that sometimes we will have nothing to do with it. We continually lay our "stuff" down at His feet, start to walk away, then turn around and pick it right back up. We don't trust Him to take care of it. We worry about everything. What would happen if we woke up tomorrow morning, got on our knees in prayer and gave our day to God? What if we just said something like, "Lord, this day is Yours. Help me to accomplish the items on your agenda and let go of the items on mine. Help me to see that just because I think something needs to be done doesn't mean that You do. This is a day to spend with You and my family celebrating the blessings You have bestowed on us and we WILL do that. I resolve to trust your plan for the day."

This would free us up to enjoy the happenings of the day. The pumpkin pie didn't get made? Oh well, I guess we didn't really need it. Maybe someone's allergic. Every room of the house didn't get cleaned? Maybe another woman in the family needs to see that it's okay to have a little dirt in the house. Those kids simply won't cease barreling through the house at 90 miles a minute? Maybe I need to learn to lighten up and enjoy the innocence and joy of childhood. Mom didn't get picked up on time? Maybe she needed a lesson on forgiveness. Or patience.

Let's give it all to the Lord and then trust Him to take care of things and work out His plan. He's always doing something. Can we just let Him do it? Wouldn't it be so much easier to just let Him be God and stop pressuring ourselves to fill that role? Let's sit back and watch Him do His thing. Who knows? Maybe if we're still enough we might actually get to see Him at work instead of missing it because we're trying to do His job.

"Father, we thank you for an opportunity to rest and enjoy our families. We ask that we would be able to be still and quiet, trusting you to run the day ahead of us. Help us to remember that you've got everything under control and to find rest in that. We love you. Jesus, thank You for your sacrifice for us and the freedom it provides. In Your name we pray, amen."

How Much Fruit?

2007-11-13T18:51:00.000-06:00

I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” John 15:5

As I sit here at my computer staring blindly at the blank page waiting to be filled, God reminds me anew that He is the source of all good things in me. This week has been one of slight personal struggle, and I confess, I have reacted to my trials by pulling away from spending time with God. Interesting that this follows on the heels of my devotional last week encouraging us to make it our goal to know God more intimately. Anyway, I digress.

I have known all day that I need to sit down and type up this post, but I could not figure out what it was I wanted to say. Usually, I am feeling particularly passionate about a lesson God has given me and I can’t wait to get it out. I decided I needed to pray and ask God what He wanted (duh).

“Father, I know I have not spent time with You as much as I should. I’m sorry. But these ladies are depending on me to get out a devotional tonight, so could you please tell me what to say?” I left off what else I was thinking: “and hurry, please. I need to get this done before Cooper wakes up from his nap.”

Still. . .nothing. Shocking, I know. I plodded on, deciding that I would write about a subject that God has been talking to me about for a couple of months. However, after I managed to painfully put a few words together to compose the first sentence, I had nothing else. A vast vacuum of nothingness. It was as if someone had turned my brain completely off. Stringing together words and phrases in an effort to give us something to ponder has been a joy to me and all of sudden, I was incapable of putting words to thought. It was at this moment that God reminded me that anything that He wants done through me will come from Him, not me. Not only will the command come from Him, but the ability to carry it out will also.

So often we get instruction from the Lord and we take it and run. We devise an action plan, implement strategies, and get going. And we are successful for a time. We are in His will. We are seeing fruit. But, inevitably, the moment comes when we realize we have done everything we can do in our own power. We hit a wall. Maybe you get assigned a task that you are completely untrained or ill-equipped to handle. Or maybe you are forced to work closely with someone who you, quite frankly, despise. Maybe, someone you feel you have been sent to help, is starting to look like they are beyond help at all. Or maybe, like me, your creative juices just dry up. Our plan starts to unravel, and we start to doubt whether we are really called to this place at all. Yes, we have seen fruit, but we begin to imagine it withering on the vine.

“Maybe I misheard God. This is too hard and I have no idea what I am doing. Maybe He didn’t really call me here.”

“I knew God calling me here was too good to be true. Obviously, I’m not succeeding anymore; everything is stagnant. I need to move on.”

It is at this exact time that God is calling us to turn to Him. He is whispering, or maybe with some of us yelling, “You cannot do this on your own! You need Me! If you will let me do this through you, the results will be astounding!”

God tells us that it is His will for us to bear much fruit (John 15:8), but He also tells us in verse 5 of this same chapter that we cannot do it if we are not remaining in Him. In the original language, remain has two synonyms that I find extremely interesting:

1. to stand
2. to wait for

How often do we stand and wait for God to give us further direction? How often do we hear only the first step and hastily bolt out the door confident that we know what to do from here? We know what we're doing, after all. Ladies, we must pause. We must listen. We must stop thinking that we know how to do it all. (Don't you hate that it always comes back to that?) We need to take our humility pill and admit that we need God to not only give us the what, but the how, where, and when as well.

God has a great plan for you, a unique way for you to do His work. And it will be the most fulfilling work you've done. But it is His plan, not yours. His way, not yours. Your way may produce a little fruit, but His produces much. And it is fruit that lasts (vs. 16).

Resolve today to stand, wait, listen, and then obey. When you do, your branch will begin to bend under the weight of new fruit. Mmmm. Do you smell that? Smells like grapes.

Father God, thank you for your patience with us. Thank you that when we rush ahead of you, trying to do things on our own, you are still there waiting to catch us when the fall comes. Thank you that you have everything under control and that your plan is good. Help us to wait on you, to trust you with the timing and the details. Thank you that we even get to be a part of your work here on this earth. Amazing. We love you. In Christ's Name, Amen.

The Narrow Door

2007-11-06T15:48:00.000-06:00

He said to them, “Make every effort to enter through the narrow door, because many, I tell you, will try to enter and will not be able to. Once the owner of the house gets up and closes the door, you will stand outside knocking and pleading, “Sir, open the door for us.’ But he will answer, ‘I don’t know you or where you come from.’ Then you will say, ‘We ate and drank with you, and you taught in our streets.’ But he will reply, ‘I don’t know you or where you come from. Away from me, all you evildoers!”
Luke 13:23 – 27

This portion of scripture makes me a little uneasy. Uneasy for our church community. At first glance, we can mislead ourselves into thinking that the people outside of the door here are only those people we consider “non-believers” or “atheists” or whatever we would like to call them. But upon closer examination, it becomes clear to me that He could also be speaking of the person sitting next to me in church. Of the sweet lady who serves in the children’s ministry or the man who greets me as I walk into the door to the sanctuary. Of any one of us who does not “know” Him. Know Him. What does that mean? If not knowing Him is going to keep me out of the gates of Heaven, I need to know what that looks like. Surely those attending church and serving endlessly and selflessly know Jesus. Surely the smiling grandma who welcomes my son into Sunday School each Sunday knows Jesus. And honestly, yes, they probably know Him in a salvation sense. They've probably asked Him into their hearts and will spend eternity with Him, and that is what Jesus was talking about here. But it got me thinking. Is that all that God desires of us? A knowledge that saves us from hell? Or does He want more for us?

Interestingly, two of the synonyms (or synonym phrases) for the original Greek word translated as know here are :

1. a knowledge grounded on personal experience
2. a knowledge obtained by proximity to the thing known

Do we know Him? I mean, really know Him? Are we experiencing Him in a very real way in our lives? Are we getting what I like to call “down and dirty” with Him? Are we asking Him the hard questions? Are we bringing Him our gut-level concerns and fears? Saying with our mouths what is really going on in our hearts? Are we being real? And are we in close proximity to Him? Allowing Him to speak into our hearts? Quieting ourselves enough to hear Him? Spending quality time with Him? Or are we just too busy for a real relationship with Him?

Knowing Jesus is much like knowing our best friend or our spouse. We spend time with them talking, laughing, crying, and sometimes just listening. We know what makes them tick. We know what makes them joyful and what burdens their soul. When my husband walks into the room from his ministry job, I know exactly how his time went. How? By the way he holds his head, the look in his eyes, the pace of his gait. I have spent so much time with him that I know what every look means and what's really behind the words that he speaks. Many times I can even finish his sentences. Do we know our Savior like that? Is our goal everyday to know Him and love Him a little more than yesterday or are we “trying to enter” into Heaven by serving, doing, striving? Yes, we are called to serve and to do it well, but what is our motivation? Are we serving out of obligation or because we feel like it’s a good thing to do “for God”? Are we serving and calling it a relationship with God? Sometimes we can have a relationship with serving God but not have a relationship with God alone. Let’s resolve to know our Lord and Savior more intimately than we know anyone else. To allow him into our lives so that when we finally gaze upon His face, we recognize Him. We are able to run to Him and embrace Him like a friend we have not seen in years. Because that is what He will be…a friend.

Lord, thank you that you do call us friends! Help us to really see you as our best friend and treat you as such. Thank you that you care about every part of our day from rising in the morning to lying down to sleep at night. We know that you actually enjoy being included in our activities, so please help us to invite you into them. And help us to make our relationship with you REAL. We're sorry for treating you as some far-off, impersonal being. Teach us to know you and invest in you. We love you. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Busy?

2007-11-01T13:16:00.000-05:00

“And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light”
2 Corinthians 11:14

There are two precious, dare I say sacred, days of the week that I set aside for writing. They are sacred because they are the only designated large blocks of time carved out where there is no bright-eyed 3-year-old pulling on my sleeve, staring up at me with Precious Moments eyes and sweetly begging, “Mommy, I love you. I just wanna be with you.” I can rarely resist pulling that pleading child into my arms and, thus, giving in to his demands. My days are filled with library trips, marble games, Hot Wheels adventures, and stick-fighting. Consequently, the rare times that I get to sit down with my coffee, my computer, my Bible, and my thoughts are held with a pretty tight fist. So, today when I arrived home from dropping my son off at pre-school and my husband looked at me with Precious Moments eyes and sweetly begged, “Can I get some time with you today?” my internal dialogue was…well, let’s just say it’s a good thing it was internal. I know, I know…I am blessed to have a husband who wants to be with me. Yes, he is willing to put aside his work for an hour; I should be too. All of this I know. But, all my mind was saying was, ”It’s my time! I only get it twice a week! Why can’t he leave me be and let me get things done!” And as these thoughts ran through my head, God reminded me that next to my relationship with Him, my relationship with my husband was the most important. So, I resolved to finish what I was doing at the time and then give the man what he wanted: my precious time. I know…my attitude could have used a little adjusting. Do you know what happened? That time was some of the sweetest we’ve had in the past few months.

As I came back to my computer, to a cold cup of coffee by the way, it hit me that if I would have let my perceived busyness dictate my actions today, I would have missed out on receiving the much needed love I need from my husband. And he would have been left with a longing unfulfilled. You know, I think Satan is really good at feeding us lies and making them sound believable. Of course he is; he’s the father of lies. It’s what he does. I actually believed that I was too busy today to spend time with Lou. The LORD has been impressing 2 Corinthians 11:14 on my heart the last few days. Satan will put things in our way to switch our focus from God’s best plan for our lives. As fine as writing about God and His word is, and as much as I am called to do it, it does not supercede my family. We have a tendency to think that if something we’re doing is good or noble or about God, it is from God. We need to remember that the enemy will throw good things in our paths to direct us away from the great things God has for us. Yes, I enjoy writing. Yes, I know it is something God has asked me to do. Will I let it keep me so busy and ministry-focused that I fail to fulfill the calling He has given me in my home? NO! Let’s decide today to put God and His plans first, not our to-do list. For it is in following Him in obedience that we find true soul-satisfying fulfillment and really, make the biggest impact on the world around us.

Father God, we are sorry for getting so busy that we sometimes neglect the people in our lives that need us the most. Please give us the discernment to know where you want us spending our time. And in hearing and following you, please help us to spread your love and the aroma of your Son to those around us. In His name we pray, Amen