Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes

"Mommy, what's the name of that girl who is learning you to be happy?" Me-"Ms. Brenda." "Oh, okay. God, thank you for Ms. Brenda to help mommy to not be mean to Daddy because he is nice. Thank you. Amen."

This was my 4-year-old son's prayer tonight, his hand resting on my face. He was sincerely praying for me. As proud as that makes me, the sentiments of his pleadings were a stinging slap to the face. Nevertheless, he expressed the exact reason I'm now visiting my new "teacher" Brenda. She is a counselor.

As I've journeyed down the road with Jesus--listening to sermons, attending Bible study upon Bible study, leading Bible lessons for high school girls, mentoring a couple of them along the way--I've heard over and over again about the fullness of life in Christ. The fullness of joy and peace as a believer that is our right and inheritance. It has excited me and driven me to plod ahead in my faith. However, to be completely honest with you, I have not been able to live consistently in that abundant life. It has been an elusive promise that I lay hold of but see slip out of my fingers often. I'm not able to abide there permanently. The joy that I've found in Jesus has been real, but also fleeting. So frustrating and discouraging.

One of the biggest manifestations of that discouragement is anger. For years now I've been an angry, irritable gal. In college and my early 20's it was okay because those types of girls were looked upon as strong and independent in my circles. But, as I turned my life over to Jesus in my late 20's, I started to become aware of just how ugly the anger was. It didn't really become a big deal until I met Lou and we got married. Poor thing has been dealing with grumpy girl ever since. I have spent the last 7 years struggling with my tendency to be critical, sarcastic, and rude. Yes, I have good days when I'm as happy as a goat in a pile of tin cans. But, those days have become more the exception than the rule.

I know that God has called me to stand up for my family and begin to break the generational sins that have plagued us for years, but this one has proved to be too big for me. There is an underlying something or other fueling the anger and sadness and I've decided to stop running and face it. I have to or I will pass this discontent and anger along to my sweet Cooper to pass along to his kids. The cycle will continue until one of us has the courage to stand up, take God at His word, and fight this thing through until we find freedom. For Cooper's sake, I'm doing it. I'm scared, but I'm doing it.

I know this isn't a feel good post with beautiful analogies and flowery language. But my heart is to cut the fancies and get gut-level honest with you. I want to share this journey with you. I want you to know that, if you're like me, YOU'RE NOT ALONE! Of course, I'm not going to go into every detail (a girl and her fam need a little privacy), but I do want to share any lessons I learn along the way. So know that I will probably be posting a lot about courage, victory, fighting, trusting, etc. And don't worry; it's not my goal to be a weekly downer. I will fight to keep my humor.

I will be visiting with Brenda every Thursday for what sounds like a long time. Evidently, I've got some intense work to do. Fun! Fun! So, I will not be posting on Tuesdays anymore; I'll be moving to the weekends, probably Fridays or Saturdays. I'm trying to be easier on myself, so it may even be on a Sunday or Monday, but I will get it done. This is not only a vessel for me to process what I'm learning, but it is a way for me to serve you through it. To draw alongside you in your pain or trial and to be transparent enough that you might draw comfort from being able to say, "I'm not the only one who thinks like that?" or "I've done that too!"

Ladies, please know that you are not alone in any struggle that you have.

"What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun." Ecc. 1:9

What we are presently going through has been experienced, fought through, and conquered in the name of Jesus before. Let's have the courage to stand up and fight for the abundant life that Jesus promises us. He's not a liar...if He says it's what we're meant to have, let's break through whatever is in our way until we lay hold of it! If you're running from it--stop. Look it in the face and start to process through it. And if you need to seek help. . .don't be ashamed!

"Get wisdom, get understanding; do not forget my words or swerve from them." Prov. 4:5

Seek out the wisdom of a Christian counselor if you need to. There is NO shame in that; just make sure she or he is someone who will lead you to Christ because He is the source of true wisdom.

Let's really do this thing, girls! Let's seek after the victory that we're promised. God will prove faithful.

"I will walk about in victory, for I have sought his precepts." Psalm 119:45

BELIEVE IT! I'll see you next week for our first "session". Love you!

A Child's Eyes

Crazy day. Today I substituted in a class of 17 first-graders. Now, if any of you know me at all, you know that I am completely built to interact with high schoolers, so to sub 7-year-olds is a stretch in itself. But, try taking said 7-year-olds on a field trip.

With 75 other first-graders.

To a farm filled with about 300 other school children.

Now think back to when you were in school and you had a substitute. Uh-huh. Exactly. I see that smile you're getting on you face as you're remembering that your reaction was something along the lines of, "Yes! A sub! We can do whatever we want!" I can't believe they're already this way in 1st grade, but that's beside the point.

Anyway, after much threatening in the classroom about following classroom rules even though I wasn't their "real" teacher, we all bounded onto the bus. And remarkably, with a few exceptions, I didn't have much problem with them all day. Although, wow, are they loud! As much as my ears were ringing from the shrill shrieking of the girls and boys around me, I forced myself to look at their faces and listen in on their conversations. And what I witnessed not only made me laugh, but also brought me a little joy. As we were passing under an overpass on the way to the farm, the little boy in front of me said in a wondrous tone, "Wow! Look at those birds!" You know what kind of birds they were? Pigeons! Flying rats! But he didn't know that. . .he just saw their tinted feathers and supernatural ability to fly.

Here were a few other cute things I heard throughout the day:

"Look! Look! Look! There's my brother's school!"
"Oooh! Ice cream!"
"That's the biggest horse I've ever seen!" (He was huge!)
And my favorite..."Hey! Cool! A Super Target!"

As I listened to the excitement in their voices and saw the awe in their eyes at the sight of such everyday happenings, I started thinking about myself. Doesn't it always come back to me? I wonder if that's a bad thing. Anyway, I asked myself if what Jesus has done and continues to do in my life elicits from me the same type of responses these children were giving. Am I genuinely awed when God moves in my life? Or have I become so used to Him acting on my behalf that I have become jaded?

Over and over again in Scripture, people who encountered the Lord were shocked and amazed by Him and His doings. When Jesus healed a paralytic, the crowd was "filled with awe; and they praised God" (Matt. 9:8). When He raised a widow's son from the dead they were again filled with awe, resulting in praise (Luke 7:16). And because of this more people came to know Jesus.

Are we awed anymore? Are we praising? Are people wanting to know more about Jesus because of our excitement over Him?

Now, I know that most of us will not dance half-naked in the streets rejoicing in God like David did (2 Samuel 6), but it wouldn't hurt to belt out a couple of his psalms, would it?

Girls, let's ask God to open up our eyes and amaze us again. Are you longing for a little bit more passion and excitement in your life? I know I am. And if my zeal brings others to the foot of Jesus, well, hallelujah!

Father, we confess that as we walk farther down the narrow path with you, we start getting used to your everyday miracles. We now ask that you would renew a right spirit in us. One that sees how awesome you are and yet how tender. Amaze us and help us to respond with songs of joy and thankfulness. We love you, amen.

My Plate Overfloweth

Hey, faithful friends. Well, this week I've got a pretty full plate, and as par for me, I'm running behind. So, I will not be posting this week. But if you're in the mood to read some sort of something, check out one of my old posts. If you think about me at all this week, could you throw up a prayer? I've got a couple of deadlines to meet and I'm feelin' the pressure! Thanks, gals. Talk to you next week! I love you tons.

Eat Your Veggies!

My son almost threw up in his plate tonight. Let me tell you, it does wonders for a novice cook's self-esteem. I think we can all admit in this family that cooking is not my strong suit; in fact, I don't even think I own this suit. What I own is a cheap knockoff you may find on Harwin in Houston. Anyway, I'm on a new kick lately. I've decided (notice it's "I" and not "we") that we need to be living a healthier lifestyle as a family. I'm trying to teach Cooper habits that are "good for our bodies". So far, we've only addressed our food and media consumption; we'll get to the exercise later. Why exercise now when you can do it later? I always say! We're limiting our t.v./computer/electronic times because it's "not good for" our family to be engrossed in activities that stifle communication. Amazingly, Cooper is on board with this most of the time. When I explained that Mommy won't be spending so much time on the computer either, he was much more willing to give up some of his Leapster time. However, this tactic did not work so well tonight as I was trying to re-introduce broccoli to my sweet angel.

"Okay. . .let's all eat a bite of broccoli together! Yey! This is going to be so fun! Ready? Go!" You would think I asked the boy to eat a handful of dirt. He was not fooled; he knew exactly what he was getting himself into. He quickly refused the bite and stated emphatically, "I will NEVER eat vegetables!" Lou then decided that he would "help" him out by feeding him the minute bite of greens himself. Wow. . .not a good idea. This is when we almost saw Cooper's chicken and potatoes for a second time. At first, I thought, "He must really not like broccoli. I cannot believe it made him gag!" But as Lou sent Coop to the Time Out Chair, he informed me that the morsel had not even made it into Coop's mouth. He had immediately stuck out his tongue and pretty much gagged himself at the mere thought of consuming something green. He had not even had a chance to taste it! Adamantly against broccoli. Note taken.

You know, maybe if Cooper would have just given it a chance, he might have seen that this particular vegetable was not bad. Maybe he would have even liked it.

Aren't we like a 3-yr-old refusing our veggies sometimes? God is calling on us to experience his goodness; I mean, really experience it by making our relationship with Him personal and real. Yet, we fail to do so.

"Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him." Psalm 34:8

Just as veggies are essential for the nourishment of our bodies, the LORD is vital to our emotional and spiritual health. Simply put, He is good for us. However, we continue to starve ourselves of the health He provides. Sometimes we're not even giving Him a chance to satiate us at all. We're figuratively sticking out our tongue before the veggie is making it in the mouth. Maybe you're just too busy to spend time with Him every day. Maybe, like me, you choose to do other things (like sleep) instead of getting up to do your quiet time. Possibly, you know that you need to go deeper with Him, explore Him a bit more, but you're simply refusing to do it. But all we're doing when we do this is weakening ourselves. God promises to give us everything we need for life and godliness (2 Pet. 1:3); are we taking Him up on the offer?

Ladies, let's get on a steady diet of Diety. Just like our bodies get rundown quickly with no vitamins and minerals, our souls do the same without God. He is our source for everything we could ever need. Let's take Him at His word and taste and see that He is good.

Father, thank you that you are everything we need for full living. We are sorry for our spiritual laziness; help us to exert the extra effort to get daily nourishment from the Bread of Life. We love you, Amen.

Storm Safety

Texas Weather. It's a fickle and unpredictable thing. This morning as I woke up and started getting Cooper dressed for school, I checked the weather online to ensure he would be clothed appropriately. Eighties and sunny. Yes! We threw on the khaki shorts and t-shirt, quickly brushed his teeth, and headed out the door, excited about a day filled with sunshine. However, as we stepped out we were confronted with gray, ominous clouds and slight rumblings in the not-so-distance. Bummer. A short time later, a sudden, fierce rainstorm descended, bringing with it deafening ground strikes of lightning and big ol' fat rain (Forest Gump voice). Upon arriving home, I sat in front of my sliding glass doors watching the downfall. Then, faintly, I heard a strange clink-clinking sound. Hail! Little balls of ice were rolling all over my balcony! (Don't you know I thought about starting one of my fires?) Anyway, not 2 minutes later, it had all totally ceased. Then. . .blue skies. It all lasted no longer than 10 minutes. From chaotic darkness to tranquil light in less time than it takes to cook a pizza. Bizarre.

Isn't our life like my morning sometimes? We're going along expecting a sunny day just like the one before it and WHAM! Life hits us upside the head and sends us reeling. It can be scary. As I was driving home from Coop's school watching the clouds quickly roll in, I became increasingly more anxious because the thunder was becoming louder and the lightning brighter and closer. So, I ran home, where I jogged up the stairs into the safety of our condo and closed the door securely behind me. Shelter.

I'm comforted to know that when life sneaks up on me and knocks me off kilter, God is not caught off-guard.

"Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight." Hebrews 4:13

"All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:16

God is not sitting staring over the portals of Heaven in anxiety fretting about what is going to happen next. All of our days have already been recorded. He knows. And, amazingly, He cares and promises to lend protection and help.

"For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling" Psalm 27:5

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

We will have days that sneak up on us and shake our very foundation, but God's mighty hand will uphold it and steady us. We need to run up the stairs of Heaven and find safety in His dwelling. It's from this place of security that we can watch the downpour without getting drenched by it. As we seek the Comforter for strength and peace, the cacophony fades. Yes, it's still raining; it may even be beginning to hail, but behind the closed doors of our Fortress, it's quiet. However, finding this stillness depends on us. Will we stand out in the storm wondering why it's raining and how in the world it is ever going to stop or are we going to make a quick dash into shelter? He is our calm in the storm. And before you know it. . .blue skies.

Father, thank you that nothing takes you by surprise. We just praise you for having it all under control and working everything out for our good. Help us to trust that. We love you, Amen.

Stop, Prop, and Behold

First off, thank you to any of you who took time to pray for me last week. I'm having a much better week and I know it is because of the prayers of my friends and family. Thank you so, so much.

Well, I took a two hour nap yesterday. I even had the fire going and my feet propped up to feel the warmth crawling from the flames. You might be thinking, "A fire? In April?" Yea, that's right. I don't care if it's 65 degrees and sunny outside; there's just something soothing about dim lighting and fire crackling. So what if I had to close the blinds and turn the fan on high?

I don't normally take time out of my busy days to simply sleep. It makes me feel lazy. I always think of all of my friends who are working, especially my mom and sister who have very demanding jobs. Consequently, instead of feeling blessed to be able to rest, I feel guilty for doing so. I can think of a million things I need to do, like clean this house. You should see it. . .I'm actually watching a ball of cat fur blow across the hard woods right now. Gross.

However, obtaining much needed rest is not lazy, nor is it a sin. In fact, God instructs us to take off not only hours, but days.

"For six days, work is to be done, but the seventh day is a Sabbath of rest, holy to the LORD." Ex. 31:15a

Did you notice what you have to stop doing on the Sabbath? Yea. Working. In order to experience the rest God is instructing us to receive, we must cease laboring. Is this difficult for anyone else but me? Wait, let me rephrase that since it really isn't difficult for me to not work. Does anyone else feel guilty when you're not doing something? In our success-driven society, being idle is not looked upon favorably. How many of you work in an environment where long hours are not only encouraged but rewarded? The people who seem to get ahead are the employees who's lives are consumed by their careers. However, these workers are the same people who are worn-out, stressed-out and very often, down-and-out. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually. Remember Mary and Martha? Martha's doing earned her irritability, dis-ease and a general grouchiness. She also nearly missed spending time with Jesus because she thought she had so much to do. Sound familiar? I know. . .ouch. Me too.

If we will simply take some time away from the rat race that surrounds us, we will find restoration for our minds, bodies and spirits. Like it or not, this fast and furious life we're living takes its toll on us, and we must take deliberate steps to refuel. But, a nap by a fire won't cure us completely.

"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him." Psalm 62:1

Physical rest restores the body, but that mental fatigue we experience can only be remedied by the very presence of God. So many times when I'm feeling spread thin and overwhelmed, my first instinct is to either hop in a hot, bubbly tub or pop in the latest romantic comedy. As great as those escapes can be, they are just that: temporary escapes. I emerge from them feeling only slightly better; my fatigue or stress inevitably returns. God tells us to come to Him when we are weary and burdened and He will give us rest (Matt. 11.28). And that rest, deep-to-the-core rest, can only come from Him. It really is that simple: Come. Find rest.

Girls, let's identify our mental fatigue as what it truly is: a need to be restored by our God. Let's close out the world and prop up our feet by the All Consuming Fire. Let Him warm your soul and light a fresh flame in you.

Father, thank you that in simply being with you, we find rest and restoration. Prompt us to stop and take you in and help us to be obedient to that prompting. Again, thank you for your personal attention to us. We are grateful. Amen.

Discussion/Processing Questions:

1. When feeling overwhelmed, what activity or person do you turn to instead of God?
2. If you looked at your schedule, are you happy with how you are spending your time?

Thanks for listening!

Sink or Stand

Well, girls, I don’t know what else to tell you but that I’ve been struggling this past week. I think it has everything to do with getting out of my routine and putting my time with the LORD on the back burner. Mary Beth…funny that you highlighted this tendency in your comment last week and then I ended up stumbling into that exact trap! Ugh…I’m so dense sometimes it’s a miracle that God doesn’t just throw up His holy hands in exasperation. Anyway, I’ve come to learn that I have to spend regular time with God in order to feel “right”. Yea, I can go a day or two and be okay, but beyond that, if I pay close enough attention, I can see my attitude start taking a downward turn. Unfortunately, I don’t normally heed the warnings and soon I find myself exactly where I found myself this morning, downcast and discouraged. Cranky. Thank God I had enough sense to sit down and talk out some stuff with Him, but, hello! Why did it have to go that far? Geez. . .rebel girl.

I was talking about all of this with my friend, Aimee, last night and her response was poignant, of course. It always is. Thanks, Aims.

“Relationships take work, and you’re in one with Jesus,” she said.

Of course! Just like my attitude with my husband Lou goes south, I mean WAY south, when we’re not connecting, my outlook on Jesus does the same. Poor Lou; he puts up with so much. When we haven’t cut out quality time, for some reason, I begin noticing more of his negative qualities than his positive. In fact, I think I even turn his pro’s into con’s! And I noticed myself doing that exact thing with God. Truths I previously had no trouble accepting started looking questionable. I began to only see the problems instead of the wonderful successes God turned them into. I had taken my eyes off of God and focused them on the world. What happens when we do that? Take a look:

“During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake…Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, ‘Lord, save me!’ Immediately, Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. ‘You of little faith,’ he said, ‘why did you doubt?’ and when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down.” Matthew 14:25-32

Peter was doing just fine while his eyes were on the Prize, namely Jesus, but as soon as he started looking at what was around him, he began to sink. When we choose to gaze upon the world alone, without balancing it with the presence of God, we begin to sink. It looks different for everybody. For me, it’s crabby girl. Sometimes it even manifests as fear. Maybe for you it’s feeling sad, exhausted, chaotic or easily overwhelmed. Possibly, you start pulling away from people and into yourself. Maybe it’s a longing in you that just doesn’t seem to be getting completely filled. Whatever it is, the answer is in the person of Jesus. Did you notice that as soon as Peter grabbed Jesus’ hand and climbed into the boat, the wind died down? Within the grasp of Jesus, suddenly the world was safer.

It’s easy to get off course; this world is harsh sometimes. It brings with it many obstacles. But if we’re attempting to navigate it on our own, we’re set to sink. Take His hand, daily, and keep yourself afloat.

Lord, thank you that simply being in your presence brings peace. Help us to be intentional about pursuing you and continue to teach us how to have a real relationship with you. We love you, Amen.

Just a couple of discussion questions:

1. What is your warning sign that you are beginning to sink?
2. What’s keeping you from spending quality time with God?

I love you, girls. Thanks for listening.

Pass the Passion, Please

Yesterday I read a heartbreaking story of a woman named Amy, who, as a child, experienced significant emotional trauma. Not knowing how to effectively overcome her pain, she carried it into her adult life. After years of seeking out every source of help she could think of, she could find no peace. She shrank into a lonely, reclusive life and fell victim to her pain. One afternoon, she was found in her house, alone, having purposefully drunk herself to death.

A devastating story. But what was even more upsetting to me was that Amy had sought out the church. She had reached out to Christians for help, and there was no one who could effectively communicate the very real freedom and peace we have in Jesus. Maybe she was simply not in a place mentally to be able to receive it, but what if that wasn't the case? What if the people she reached out to just didn't have the answers? What if she could tell that the words of freedom spoken to her were just that: words? Have you ever been in her shoes? Perhaps you've had a very real problem and the advice you received was biblical, but the presenter had no passion behind it. Platitudes. Warm Fuzzies. This has happened to me many times, and I found myself thinking, "Does she really even believe that or is it just something she's been taught?" Unfortunately, it made it hard for me to believe the words. I'm also sad to say that I have been the passionless platitude speaker myself. I don't think we do it maliciously. I think we want to believe the promises of freedom, peace, and joy that we've been given, but we sometimes fall short.

I remember when I first started attending Beth Moore's classes in Houston. This woman taught with a fiery passion and sense of urgency that I had never seen. I could tell she believed what she was saying with everything in her. I've since realized this was one of the reasons I was so attracted to her teaching. It was real. She had been in the pit and watched her Father pull her out of the mire and place her high upon a rock. She gave me hope that if God did it for her, He would do it for me. Was there someone like Beth in Amy's life? I don't know. But here's what I do know: I want to be that person for the hurting souls in my life. I want to be so passionate about the freedom God has given me that the women around me would dare to believe that God would accomplish great wonders in them, too! I'm not claiming to have attained all that God wants to do in me, but He has done miracles. And it is my responsibility to share them. I want to be "a voice of one calling in the desert, 'prepare the way for the Lord"! (Luke 3:4) I want to be the one telling the Amy's of this world that there is a hope and His name is Jesus Christ. There is liberty in no other!

While Jesus was on this earth, He met a woman at a well and showed Himself to be God to her. She responded to this encounter by telling the people in her town about this Jesus. In fact, she was so excited that she left her water jar behind when she left! Here's the cool part:

"Many of the Samaritans from that town believed in [Jesus] because of the woman's testimony." (John 4:39)

Amazing! This one woman changed an entire city with her passion. Because of her zeal for the Lord, the people around her were attracted to Him and He saved them. Don't you long for your testimony to do the same?

Ladies, we must stop settling for mediocrity. Our God is a powerful God who performs mighty wonders in us. Let's start acting like it! The Amy's in your midst will thank you, and you just might save a life.

Father, you have done tremendous works in us, but sometimes, we don't see them. Open our eyes to the wonders you've performed and may we be awestruck! Turn our complacency into passion. A passion that can't be contained, that bursts forth from grateful lips. We love you. Amen.

I'm including a few discussion questions for those of you who would like to participate. I'll be checking and responding soon. And you all feel free to respond to one another. Love you all.

1. How am I pursuing freedom?
2. Do I believe what I say I believe, and if not, what am I doing to remedy that?
3. Looking at where I am now and where I have been, what has God done in me?
4. Am I excited about what He's done, or am I complacent?
5. Do I need to ask God to light a fire of passion in me?
6. Who is it in my circle of people that needs to see the passion of a life lived in freedom?

Oh, the Humility!

Hey, gals. I was just doing a little thinking...I like to do that, ya' know. And I thought I would just throw something out there. Idea: tell me what you think. I'm thinking about shakin' things up a bit. Mondays: I post a Bible passage for all of us to read. Tuesdays: I share my thoughts on it (much like the posts you've been reading). But, I would also include a couple of discussion questions for you to comment on. That way, we could create a community of "cyber-friends" and support/ encourage one another. Besides, sometimes I get tired of hearing myself talk. I'd like to hear what y'all have to say. We could have a trial run for a few weeks and re-assess after that. Okay...be honest (you know how I feel about being honest) and tell me what you think. Go ahead...go make a comment...I'm not going on until you do. Go!

Okay, now that you've put in your two cents, let's move on to Mary, Jesus' mom. I've just started doing some one-on-one discipleship with a couple of our high school girls, and we are going over women in the Bible. And who better to start with than Mary? I figure she's pretty important, being the mother of the Messiah and all. And let me tell you, watching her life lived out on the pages of scripture not only intrigued me; it convicted and challenged me. She was an incredibly humble woman who trusted her God completely, no matter in what circumstances she found herself.

Trust and Humility.

Two characteristics I continually have to battle for. They aren't natural are they? And I don't think they were necessarily easy for Mary either. You may remember that she was visited by an angel who informed her that she would soon be pregnant with "the Son of the Lord Most High". Her response wasn't, "Oh, I should have expected as much; I am such a holy and blameless woman." My guess is we wouldn't be studying her right now if it would have been! Anyway, after a moment of fear (comforting to know she was human and felt anxieties, too), Mary asked for some clarification since she was a virgin. Mr. Angel then proceeded to inform her that, of course, the Holy Spirit would be taking care of all of that. This seemed to be a satisfactory explanation for her and she simply said, "I am the Lord's servant. May it be to me as you have said" (Luke 1:38). Excuse me?! Mary, aren't you going to ask him the exact method and time line of said events? And what about your fiance? What are you going to say to him? Details, Mary, details! But, no. Complete trust. I'm not suggesting that she didn't have questions or concerns; I'm suggesting that she trusted her God and His love and "bigness" enough to take care of them. She didn't fret, insisting on answers to every "what if?" in order to assuage her fear. She chose to trust in the midst of the unknown. Ugh, now I'm forced to ask myself:

1. Am I willing to do the hard things for Christ? Am I truly serving Him or am I really serving myself?
2. Am I really trusting His plan, or am I questioning every aspect until I get enough answers to feel comfortable?

Difficult questions. Questions who's answers are great indicators of where we are with God in the faith department. I'm sorry to say that I wish my answers were a little different than they are.

Later in that same chapter in Luke, we get to witness Mary's humility as Luke records "Mary's Song", a hymn of praise to her God. It is here that we learn one of the secrets to true humility. Praise. Extolling God reminds us of who He is and that we are not Him. I don't know about you, but I would be in danger of thinking I was pretty amazing if I were chosen to bear the Savior of the world, but there's no indication that Mary went there. She, instead, chose to praise God, to put herself in right relationship with Him. Listen to her heart:

"My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state [humble origin or state] of his servant. . .the Mighty One has done great things for me--holy is his name." vss. 46-49

She was thanking God for blessing her in the midst of her lowly circumstances. She knew that this was all from above and she was giving Him full credit, taking none for herself. Oh, I wish I were more like her, don't you? Luke also noted that throughout Jesus' life, his mom "treasured up" the things that surrounded her Son and pondered them in her heart. Interestingly, this "treasuring up" denotes an intense and careful protection. It was active. She worked at her humility. Are we doing the same? Our nature is to exalt ourselves, so are we actively working against it? Are we purposefully praising God so as to remind ourselves of His greatness? I have found a great way to do this is to keep a gratitude journal. This is a discipline I have practiced in the past. It simply involves a nightly session of jotting down things in your day that you are grateful for. I would also pray and thank God for those things. Doing this reminds us that any good thing in us or our lives is from Him and has nothing to do with us (James 1:17). It also focuses our minds on Him and His love for us right before we enter into dreamland. It makes for a more peaceful night.

God is pretty clear on His views of pride and humility:

"Though the LORD is on high, he looks upon the lowly, but the proud he knows from afar." Psalm 138:6

"This is who I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word" Isaiah 66:2

To be intimate with and esteemed by God? Sign me up! Ladies, let's pursue humility. For, out of an accurate assessment of our smallness and God's bigness, trust is born. It's work, but anything worth having always is.

Father, help us to see your greatness and sovereignty and to be awed by your power. But also open our eyes to your deep love for us, your creation. Turn it all into belief and, thus, trust. We love you, amen.

A Good Place

Hey, gals. Well, what do you think of the new design? Do you not totally love this picture? And the name it was given by its capturer is perfect: Good Place. Can't you just imagine yourself coppin' a squat right there on that bench to simply take it all in? And don't you just feel the stillness and peace in your soul as you do so? Ah, yes, it is a good place to be. As I spent some time sifting through endless pictures, I chose this one because I think it captures in picture form the place we want to be. The place of tranquility, rest, and beauty.

If you'll take a closer look, you'll notice the view appears through a break in an ancient wall. This wall is a ruin from long ago in Israel. It used to be strong and high, and now it lies broken and conquered. And from behind the rubble: wide open spaces. But, ages ago, you could only catch glimpses of this view for the wall. Don't we feel like that much of the time? We long for intimacy with a family member but feel an unexplainable "wall" between us. We meet someone, strike up a conversation only to find they have their "walls up". We so desire a closer relationship with Christ, but there seems to be some sort of barrier there. We see glimpses of the fulfilling relationships that could be, but we can't seem to attain the fullness of them. What is going on?

This is the heart of this blog site, my heart for you and me. Addressing the walls, the barricades, that keep us from the full life with Christ and His people and then breaking through them. The one I'm most passionate about we've discussed before: being real. So much of our freedom comes in learning how to do this. Our society is feeding us the lie that we must be something that we are not. That we must fit into some pre-set, assembly line-type mold created by the pretty people. Who are these people anyway? The individuals who get to decide what is acceptable, beautiful, and good? I'd like to give them a swift kick to the...whoa. Calm down, Misti. Anyway, this incessant drive we have to try to fit into this cookie cutter image of a good wife, mom, employee, child, etc. is slowly (or quickly if you're me) driving us mad! It also leads to anxiety, depression, and self-condemnation. God created us to be exactly who we are. Listen as David speaks of God's heart:

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139: 13-14

Have you ever knitted? It's not easy, nor is it quick. It's a lengthy process that takes commitment, concentration, and tenderness. One Christmas we were too poor to buy presents for our extended family, so I decided that I would learn to knit and create scarves for them all. Yes, even my brother-in-law received one (but he lived in the Windy City so I reasoned that a scarf would be a perfect gift). I expended extensive energies picking out just the right color and kind of yarn for each neckwarmer. By the way, have you been down the yarn aisle at your local Hobby Lobby lately? It's insane how many different textures, widths, and colors they have come up with. The feathery ones are my fave. Anyway, they all turned out beautifully if I do say so myself, but none of them were the same. My mom's was purple and sophisticated because purple is her favorite color and she would be wearing it to work. However, my grandmother's was pink and fluffy. She LOVES pink and comfort is paramount for her 90-year-old neck. Then there was my brother-in-law's. . .green, yet masculine (no feathers for him). The list could go on because I made quite a few, but the point is that each was hand-tailored to suit its owner. It was well thought out and special. This is the effort exerted by your Daddy when He created you! He thought about every detail of your being, whether physical, mental, or emotional. He then set out to knit you together and upon completion decided that you were very good. (Gen. 1:31) There is a reason you are the way you are. If you're anything like me, you have difficulty accepting certain qualities you posess. It's hard to realize that you are different and that sometimes people don't take too kindly to it. However, we are not here to be approved by the people. We are here to please God.

"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." Gal. 1:10

You see, as long as we are trying to conform to and appease the individuals around us, we are stuck in a pursuit going nowhere, much like a hamster in an exercise wheel. People are fickle. One day you're in; the next you're out. Your only constant is the Lord your God. We'll find that in accepting and walking in who we are and pursuing only His pleasure, we will become the most effective servant for Him. And we will find ourselves sitting on that bench, looking out past the rubble of our former wall of self-condemnation into our wide open spaces of tranquility. A good place.

Daddy, thank you for your intention, your care, and your tenderness in creating us. Thank you that we are all unique and special to you. Help us to embrace who you've made us to be and to learn to love ourselves completely. Knock down our walls so that we may be free to look upon the fullness of your beauty. We love you desperately, amen.